SUNDAY JOKES - 101

 

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. 

Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog that folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves!

A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. 

The operator at the other end asked "Are they in your house?" He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. 

He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well, you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!" 

Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. 

After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all!" 

The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police cars available!"

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked for advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. 

Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.
The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor!

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law!

While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."

"How did it happen?"
"I switched the cocks!"
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

I don’t have a solution but I do admire the problem!

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. 

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." 

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Oh, come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbour said with a smile. 

"By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon!"

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