THURSDAY JOKES - 102

 

A young woman was preparing steak for dinner. After she cut off the end of the steak, she placed it in a pan for baking. 

Her friend asked her, "Why did you cut off the end of the steak"? 

And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the steak before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a steak before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan!"

Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push!

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. 

The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. 

The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk to look for his watch. 

After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. 

"Why," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" 

The drunk replied, "The light is a lot brighter here!

A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun.

All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed, have you?"
The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends down and plants a good one right on the mouth.
A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.

He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great one and walks away. 

A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks by. She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks down at him.
"Mister," she says, "have you ever had fun?"
"No," he says with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you are now, the tide's coming in!"

I don’t mind coming to work. 

It’s the 9-hour wait to go home that I cannot stand!

A plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived, he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly.

About 5.30 pm. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on his way home but he's going back to the office around 8 pm. 

Come back then, dear and we can take up where we left off.

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time???"

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How are you doing?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!”

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