A man
had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this trip, he decided to bring
his wife.
When
they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You
rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."
The
wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close
to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking
this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again, a train shakes
the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the
front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The
manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look,... lie here on the
bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So, he
lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in.
"What,"
he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager replies: "Would you believe I'm
waiting for a train?"
Why did
the bike fall over?
It was two tired!
A
member of our church choir arrives every Sunday morning with her seven children
in tow, all a bit rumpled but never the less on time.
Scarcely able to get my one
child ready, I asked her how she managed her brood so efficiently.
"Easy,"
she replied with a smile. "I dress them the night before!"
A small
boy came running out of the bathroom in tears.
"What's the matter?"
asked his father.
"I dropped my toothbrush
in the toilet."
"Okay, don't worry, but
we'd better throw it out."
So, the father fished the
toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the
boy was holding another toothbrush.
"Isn't that my
toothbrush?" the father said.
"Yes,"
said the boy, "and we'd better throw this one out too, because it fell in
the toilet four days ago!"
What did the
policeman say to his belly button?
You’re under a
vest!
The witness stared out the
window, as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you
accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over
and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you!"
Why do people say
“break a leg” when you go on stage?
Because every play
has a cast!
After a
day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two
brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks
him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the
warden, "I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my
pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and
take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I
whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer not
believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the
warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws
the trout back into the water.
The warden says, "Now
whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into
the bucket."
The fisherman turns to the
officer and says, "What fish?"
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