Hooray, the Non-Malays have gone: Malaysia is now all ours!

It was a sad day in June 2012. BN managed to scrape through the general election with a razor thin majority. With the country in turmoil and the Non-Malays up to their noses with the nonsensical policies of Malay Supremacy and second class citizen-ships, they have decided to call it a day. Activating their contingency plans, they decided to join the exodus, resulting in overflowing Air Asia’s flights with MAS planes also packed to the brim. The one-way exodus - in earnest - had finally begun.

Australia, Canada, New Zealand and UK were at the top of the list of favorite destinations of choice. The rest were contented with Singapore, Vietnam, China, India, Hong Kong and even the Philippines.

Indeed, the increasingly open policies in China and India have made it very appealing for the Non Malays to emigrate. These two host countries have worked smart to welcome their country men with open arms, relishing in glee at their immediate fortune from the investment inflow and huge brain gain.

It was the opposite in Malaysia. Everyone wanted out. The country has suddenly lost its appeal and patriotism was at its lowest level. There was simply no reason to stay. Property prices tumbled as Non Malays quietly sold off their assets for a song and diverted their funds into foreign banks. Some said almost RM88 trillion left the country overnight.

Mullahs will crack the whip and BN would stay in power

Meanwhile, Barisan Nasional's boss Umno was rejoicing at the outflow of unpatriotic citizens whom they have insisted had made their lives and those of the Malays - the superior race - a living hell. Completely ignored was the RM88 trillion outflow, it was good riddance to bad rubbish! Now, everyone else will vote BN for the next hundred years or so they thought.

With all the non-Malays gone, it was only natural to implement Islamic governance fully in the country. Everything deemed un-islamic was automatically taboo like attending Thaipusam or Churches. The Mullahs made sure of that. It also included all western influences like the Cinema and Astro TV.

It was a matter of time before the Churches, the Buddhist and Hindu temples were left in ruins as the people pillaged anything and everything of value from these sacred sanctuaries following the departure of the non-Malays.

With the Mullahs cracking the whip, it was only natural they wanted to protect the 'weaker' sex by encouraging women to stay at home, refrain from driving and only allow them to be in public with the accompaniment of a male relative. Overnight, there would be lesser cars on the road as the female segment of the population would be restrained from driving.

Women will be sidelined

Soon, as the female population disappeared further from the public eye, new enactments would be put in place to discourage women from taking up any form of education or exercise their right to vote since their place would be in the home to raise the children. Even the men would be veiled like the Saudis to guard against the hot tropical Malaysian sun.

The MRT become terribly under-utilized and public transport would be plentiful. Cinemas would disappear. So too would be bowling alleys, snooker parlours, shopping complexes, entertainment centres and Karaokes. Dance classes, health and fitness gyms, massage parlours and pedicure centres would be a thing of the past.

Even the judiciary would be out of jobs, unless they took crash courses in Islamic Law. Without a check and balance provided by the other races and faiths, Malays were free to dictate judgement according to their whims and fancies.

Economic standstill

With 40% of the population disappearing overnight, the economy would come to a standstill. Malay Malaysia would struggle to maintain a legitimate business climate minus the business acumen of the Non-Malays. As the economy slid further down, the government of the day would be forced to impose rations so that the people would not starve.

Suddenly, Petronas would be the country’s saviour. Malaysia's oil reserves would dry up even faster than expected and there will enormous worry about another energy source replacing oil and gas that could threaten its last remaining revenue earner.

As the Ringgit continues to weaken, many economic Muslim migrants like the Indonesians, Mamaks and Thais would also contemplate returning to their homeland, where they would still have access to jobs, albeit lower paying, plus there would still be some form of entertainment.

Shunned

Malaysia would become one of the most boring regions in Asia, with International tourists shunning the country. Even the well-to-do Malays would be unable to shirk the creeping boredom and fly off to London, Paris, New York and so forth.

Television would stop airing hilarious Chinese kungfu flicks and colourful Hindi Movies as there would be no audiences left to watch these. Western movies would be heavily edited to ensure only wholesome values. By now everyone would have forgotten the word ‘Valentine’s Day or Santa Claus.

The new generation of Malays will never know or experience what Thaipusam or the Festival of lights is, and neither the meaning of ‘Hungry Ghost Festivals.’ The only ghosts they know would be the daily barrage of ghost movies from Astro. “Moon cakes and Lanterns” would be alien to them, and so too would be the lion dances and fire crackers.

But on the good side, there will be no more jostling in buses, and trains and all the men get to sit with each other, as women continue to stay at home to tend to the house. Without the distraction of women or the threat of sexual harassment, the men will be more focused towards their jobs and career.

RELA and the Secret Police will become powerful

Tight blue jeans and body hugging kebayas would become extinct as the latest trends would be loose fitting and identity-less garments. Black colour would still be the in thing, though. Shampoo advertisements would still be around although no more hair would be shown.

Foetuses in rubbish dumps and bushes would be a thing of the past, but drugs and glue sniffing would still hound the young population. At least, there will be no more deafening music from discos or jarring, croaking karaoke singing to drown the peace after dusk. Instead the sound of Prayers and Koran reciting will fill the night air lending to the peace of in land. The Bohsia phenomenon and maybe even the Mat Rempits would disappear as RELA and the dreaded Secret Police begin to flaunt their powers with even greater impunity.

Of course, there will be a proliferation of tea houses in the cities, where the men will congregate in mutual constructive discussions of politics, sports and other wholesome topics. Like what one “Kassim the Safe” has concluded - without the Non-Malays, Malaysia may one day be corruption-free, crime-free and a veritable Heaven on Earth.

And now that the Racial Card is useless, BN would have to think of new ways to scare the people into keeping them in power. Politicians like Hassan Ali and Ibrahim Ali who are infamous for their racial rhetoric would be obsolete pawns.

And then one day, yes one day, we may secretly harbor the wish we thought was impossible... that one fine day, the Chinese and Indians may forgive us and decide to return once again to this fine land, and show us what it means to be truly Asian!

Malaysia Chronicle