MALAYSIANS WILL HAVE TO EAT RM1 CHICKEN & KANGKUNG IN 2016, NO THANKS TO NAJIB

I am Ah Lan Gor, a financial recovery specialist from Penang. Today, I want to tell you about 10 ways to save money that I have compiled for you.

I know times are hard in 2015 and it is going to get tougher come the New Year.

What with toll hike, fuel hike, public transport hike and all the hikes. Until our blood pressure also hike, and we all go on hike up the great beyond.

In fact, everyday I go collect money... err recover ‘financial reparations’ on borrowings from you guys, I feel almost guilty that I may make your life even more miserable.

People may say I am cruel but in heart sometime got garden; when I see you people a little voice in my heart sing that song from the old French play, that Le Miserables story.

So here I list down some ways you can save money so that you can still afford your monthly commitment to us despite the tough times.

Don't say I never help you or have no heart, okay?

Here they are in no particular order and from no particular minister:

1) Wake up early to avoid toll

Why bother paying toll and driving on highways when you can sneak around in the morning driving the toll-less ones. So wake up early and you no need to pay anymore toll. Sure save money one.

2) Shop at mono-racial malls

You know, la, what they say if you buy stuff from those not of your own race, ha. Shop at malls where there are only one race selling, particularly if it is the same as your race.

This way, less likely for helmets, chairs and clubs to fly, mah.

3) Hold two jobs to make ends meet

This one is a no brainer. One job one pay. Two jobs two pay, mah. You rich already. In fact, if you can get three, four, five jobs oso can. Very-very rich meh!

4) Eat kangkung and RM1 chicken

No need expensive veggies from overseas, no need for those Kobe beef imports. You just eat kangkung, so cheap mah, in longkang can find oso, and go buy the RM1 chicken.

5) Plant vegetables instead of flowers in your gardens

No need to plant all the beautiful flowers lorr, just replace them with cili, carrots or kangkung and sure you will save money on food one. Happy gardening!

6) Don't eat turtle eggs

Eating turtle eggs can be very expensive, you know. Bad for political careers especially. So the less you eat them and the less you get photographed doing so, the better for your pocket.

7) Postpone getting your hair done

These days ah, getting yours done can be very expensive one. So don't get your hair done too much, or you will surely have to ask money from your husband, bother him mah, and you know la where he have to get his money. Bad for us all mah.

8) Don't hold marriage course overseas

If you deal with other people's money, like the one you borrow from us eh, no need to go to Paris to hold marriage courses or even buy golf simulators.

These things are unnecessary mah. Think la, hold courses at home and no need to play golf, such an expensive game.

9) Don't give donations

Nowadays donations can be very expensive one. I heard can go as high as in the billions mah. So don’t give donations, save money and pay your instalments.

If not, you miss payments and I have to break your legs, who will suffer? I of course. You know how hard it is to break legs ah?

10) Wait for BR1M

If all else fail, wait for BR1M lah. Takkan this oso you guys don't know. Our government very caring one. They always give money to help us.

After all, why they take all those big debts and issue bonds for? To get money to pay us to shut up.

Well, there they are - 10 ways you can save money. I hope this helps and don't forget your instalments. As always, I shall make an appointment to see you all soon. Love and kisses from me.

- Mkini