Who’s fault was it - the kids, parents or society?

YOURSAY | ‘The world is a simple place but the people make it into a dangerous one.’

The Malay denial

Clever Voter: The social concerns expressed by writer Mariam Mokhtar (in relation to the bicycling tragedy in Johor Bahru) are universal and certainly not confined to the Malay community.

The indulgence in such activities is because majority of urbanites do not need to worry when and where the next meal is coming from. Most urbanites have an easier lifestyle today.

Some places even come alive after midnight. There are compulsive gamers or gamblers among the community.

Kids, too, have a bit of fun including racing and betting. In the adult world, golf and betting are closely related, too. The difference is how much of these are safety risk to public or themselves.

There are no immediate solutions. As the nation ages, so too are changes to lifestyles. Perhaps it’s time we reflect on ourselves as adults, and one of those lessons we learnt is that we won't know how hot the stove is till we near it.

Perhaps experiential learning is one way, but for many it will be too late.

Anonymous 2457571486440266: When I go out to a cafe or ‘kopitiam’ (coffee shot) these days, what do I observe?

I see parents looking into their smartphone screens, with their children looking at some children’s movie or something on their tablets. The parents do not speak or interact with their children.

I also see families bringing their maids out, and the maid will feed the child, clean and play with him or her. What does the mother do?

Instead of bonding with her child that she carried for nine months in her womb and sharing her love, she is stuck in her insecure, self-obsessed world taking selfies/posting photos of her food so to push the competition marker further with her 'friends' on who has the most 'perfect' life on social media.

Meanwhile, daddy is busy on his phone running his business or whatever 'important' matter he has to attend to.

No one has time for each other and no one is obliged to stimulate our human need for interaction and time together. We are together physically, but at the same time we are not.

Dont Just Talk: Once again, Mariam, you hit the nail on the head when you said that when accidents happen at 3am with eight Malay youths whose age ranging from 16 years and below are killed while racing on the main road, the parents said that it was fated.

How can one tempt fate while racing at 3am and in the process lose their lives, when they should be at home at that time? It all boils downs to lack of supervision by the parents and lack of enforcement by the police.

Across the Causeway, when the police see a group of teenagers gathering after 10pm, they would first investigate and find out the reasons before informing their parents, which is the reason why Singapore has less or zero tragedies on the road caused by illegal racing, whether on motorcycles or modified bicycles.

Alfanso: The world is a simple place but the people make it into a dangerous one - and so, we blame it on everything else. What a shame. It is only one incident and bang, everyone is blamed.

All over the country and in every ‘taman’ (housing estate) you find children on the loose, especially in the evening. Can’t the fools on the road keep calm and drive carefully?

Why blame it on the parents?

Aries46: Mariam is right that parents are responsible for their children's conduct. We are merely guardians whom God blesses with children to cherish and guide them into responsible adults and failing that amounts to failing God.

The present trend of both parents working and having one too many that hinders quality upbringing, lack of guidance love and attention and failure to check them when they are wrong leads to disciplinary issues later in life.

This is made worse when parents resort to blame society and fate and 'will of God' when tragedy strikes. That is the height of irresponsibility.

Just a Malaysian: Yesterday as I was driving in slow traffic in Petaling Jaya, a young motorcyclist swerved into the lane in front of me. Fortunately, I was 30m away from the front car and driving very slowly at 20kph to 30kph.

Because of the light shower, the road was slippery with water and oily grime combined. And due to his speed coming in at slow traffic, I think he braked and the whole bike skidded and tumbled over two to three times, breaking into pieces.

He was fortunate because he slid and was caught by the back of a slow-moving car. He got up and smartly ran to the side of the road in shock. But he said he was okay when I asked him if he was injured.

I felt so much pity on him as he is probably a student or young working adult. My fatherly instinct kicked in and I felt like wanting to give him a hug to calm him, and at the same time like to slap him for reckless driving.

A young life was almost ruined. There must be an awareness of safety and not leave everything to ‘takdir’ (destiny). Man has wrongly interpreted God’s good intentions.

Pemerhati: Quote: “If the boy meets with an accident, the parent says that it is his ‘takdir’. There is no mention of taking preventative measures, about playing safely within the confines of the garden, or in the house”.

A foreign doctor, who once worked in Saudi Arabia, also complained to me that he saw a lot of Arab children getting injured because the parents did not take simple preventive measures to safeguard their safety, such as putting railings on roofs to prevent the children from falling. After such accidents, the parents would also say things like, “If it is God’s will, then so be it”.

The Malays have been strongly influenced by the Arab culture and religion. Hence it is not surprising that the Malays respond to preventable accidents in the same way the Arabs do.

Roger 5201: Great article, Mariam. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed woman may be queen but her advice is useless when everyone is deaf and collectively attribute all calamities to ‘takdir’.

Ib: I once asked my highly-educated Malay nephew why he is not buckling down his son when they get into their car. He said, it is too difficult as the boy will protest and it will take too long.

I think that says it all. I think if our schools were to teach a bit of civics and health and safety, the child should ask the parents to buckle up should they forget. So our Education Ministry, too, has failed.

Abasir: In the rather hackneyed ‘nurture-nature’ debate, I tend to, based on the evidence before me, lean towards nature as the dominant determinant of human behaviour.

Given that bias, I really do not think it possible for "Malays (to have) a rethink, and to be in control of their own destiny."

The growing body of evidence, both statistical and anecdotal, in post-independent Malaya/Malaysia/New Economic Policy, gives credence to my position. Perhaps it’s all ‘takdir’ after all.

In the marmoreal words of Ezra Pound, the technique of infamy is to start two lies at once and get people arguing heatedly over which is the truth.

Just a Malaysian: Look at all of us. Look at all our comments. Several youths are killed in a sad accident and all we can think of is to link it to race.

We end up torturing one another on whose race or religion is better or more responsible. As a nation, we have all failed badly - Chinese, Malays, Indians, etc.

What has happened to all of us?- Mkini