SUNDAY JOKES - 102

 

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they made love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"I didn't feel a thing!"

Window shopping may be fun but shopping for windows is panes taking work!

 

A father asked his little boy if he knew how a person gets saved. 

"We'll be saved by going to our church every Sunday,” the boy said without hesitation. 

His father explained that going to their church each week would not save them. "Well, then, we better find another church!” replied the boy.

Seeing her friend, Joselyn wearing a new locket, Nancy asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
"Yes," says Joselyn, "a lock of my husband's hair."

"But Boyet is still alive."

"I know but his hair is gone!"

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends!

President Biden decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home. 

The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Biden backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name!"

My biggest professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor but me!

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!
Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.
Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, the hungry cat investigated the sounds. 

The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate the sparrow!

The Moral of the Story:

Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut!

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