TUESDAY JOKES - 159

 

A politician from a political party and a politician from another political party were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. 

One of the above two politicians gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business premises for a job. He then took fifty ringgit out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The other politician was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the other politician's pocket and gave the homeless person hundred ringgit.

Now you understand the differences between our politicians!

Sue: My uncle is an umpire in a restaurant.
Lou: In a restaurant?
Sue: Yes. When someone orders pancakes, he yells, “Batter up!”



On a rural road, a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" 
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"



Little Kamal is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Kamal to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Kamal didn't forget. The following morning, he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Kamal, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Kamal thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Kamal's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Kamal runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!!"

His father says, "Calm down, son!  Why do you think Mommy's dying?"

"Uncle Isa is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally, the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me RM 500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the RM 1000 he owed you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only RM 500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him!"

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue in the Netherlands' flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"



All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend: "My bride is, without doubt, one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights was only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town, the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend.

He yells: "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!!"

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