My grandfather worked in a
blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little
boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigours of
blacksmithing.
One story was how he had
developed his arm and shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside behind
the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand.
After a while, he tried
10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he
could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out
for more than a full minute!
Next, he started putting
potatoes in the sacks!
A man is bragging about his new
hearing aid. "It's the best I've ever had," he says. "It cost RM
9,000."
His friend asks, "What kind is it?"
He says, "Half-past
four!"
Q: How did the bee hurt his
back?
A: He fell off his honey!
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant
standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied
the attendant. "That one is called a mirror!"
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of
golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging
pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said,
"It's golf balls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him
thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,
asked, "Does it hurt as much as the tennis elbow?"
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone
here know what we mean by sins of omission?"
A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should
have committed but didn't?"
Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished!
Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in
training.
Among the speakers were many well-known motivational
speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire
crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms
of a woman that wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And
that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his
speech which, went over well.
About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the
seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the
pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a
bit foggy to him this morning.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest
years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my
wife!"
His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost
10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally
blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"
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