TUESDAY JOKES - 169

 

Glass Bridge Tamparuli at Bungalio Hill, Kiulu, Sabah

In Johore Baru, a business man was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Malaya and I need some help. If I were to give you RM 20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it? her older sisters asked, eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

 

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.
"Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him!

 

Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her medicine!

 

Patient: Doctor, I have a little man in my head, and he's cursing all the time!
Doctor: Well, this problem is really easy to fix! It will cost you RM 1,000.
Patient: Doctor, do you know what the little guy just said?

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. 

In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air, then opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place. 

As the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbours. At the first house, the owner said, "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
"$50" she replies
The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man's wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. "She should. She was standing on it"
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" the man asked.
"Yeah, and I had paint left over so I gave two coats."

Impressed the man reaches for the money. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porche. It's a Lexus."

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