Sleeping with the enemy

 

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following story is a parable, which may reflect another uncomfortable marriage between political parties we know.

Tharwa was only 22 when she married Rafeeq who was ten years older. She did not consent to the marriage but was forced into it by her family.

Since Tharwa was a soft-spoken, decent-looking young lady, many of her relatives thought her objection to the marriage was due to the fact that Rafeeq was loud and not quite pleasant to look at.

However, Tharwa’s family insisted that he came from a good family and that she would be making a grave mistake if she did not pursue the arranged marriage. Reluctantly, Tharwa agreed.

In the first few weeks of moving in with Rafeeq’s family, Tharwa struggled to fit in. His family’s lifestyle was quite different from the way she was brought up. Soon Tharwa learnt that fitting in was going to be the least of her worries.

Not a match made in heaven

Rafeeq was not a good man. He was an alcoholic, a womaniser, and had anger issues. It didn’t take Rafeeq long to show his new wife his true colours. And just like that, Tharwa became his punching bag.

Rafeeq would often come home drunk after spending time with other women. No one in his family questioned his behaviour for it was accepted as a norm. When Tharwa decided to speak up and stand up for her rights as a wife, the physical abuse began.

A few months into the marriage, Tharwa became pregnant. Unfortunately, her pregnancy did not stop the abuse. In fact, it got a lot worse.

To teach Tharwa a lesson and to put her in place, Rafeeq started bringing other women into their bedroom.

Soon, Tharwa was sent back to her parents’ home where she delivered a healthy baby girl. She knew she had no future with Rafeeq, hence was adamant not to return to her marital home.  

After getting herself a divorce, Tharwa began working at a factory to raise her little girl. Rafeeq was no longer in the picture and Tharwa was finally happy.

A second chance

Four years after living her life as a single mother, Rafeeq contacted Tharwa and initiated a reconciliation. He insisted that he was now a changed man and wanted to build a happy home for his daughter.

Trusting that things would be a lot better the second time, Tharwa agreed to remarry Rafeeq. Under Rafeeq’s advice, she resigned from her work and moved back in with him.

Their little girl adjusted well and was pleased to be acquainted with her father. Everything seemed fine in the beginning, but Rafeeq slowly started showing his ugly side once again.

This time around, Tharwa had to protect both herself and her daughter from Rafeeq’s abuse. Frustrated, Tharwa left Rafeeq and returned to her parents.

Tharwa made a terrible mistake by giving someone like Rafeeq a second chance, and mistakes most often come with a price. In Tharwa’s case, the price to pay was a second child to bear.

Now divorced for a second time, Tharwa had to live her life as a single mother all over again. She had to work harder to support her two daughters.

Rafeeq had no problem in giving Tharwa full custody of their children. Despite his financial capabilities, he only forked out RM50 per month as child support for each of his daughters.

In her late 20’s at the time, Tharwa vowed to provide a better home for her children. Despite her young age, she was no longer interested in finding a companion or to be married again. She wanted to dedicate her life to her children.

Third time’s the charm

Years passed and Tharwa’s daughters grew up with excellent grades at school, received scholarships, and went on to pursue tertiary education at reputable institutions.

Both Tharwa’s daughters began their professional careers in their 20’s. Her eldest daughter got married after working for a few years and decided to embrace motherhood. Meanwhile, her second daughter was blessed with opportunities to work in different countries around the world.

In her 50s, Tharwa retired from work and lived a calm and peaceful life. She had her own house, her own car, good financial stability, and a wonderful family to love. Everyone was proud of her accomplishments. She was a source of inspiration to many women in her circle.

Then, it happened again. Out of nowhere, Rafeeq’s family contacted Tharwa and her children, pleading for a reconciliation. Apparently, he is unwell and has left all his bad habits. It was time they got back together for one final time, they insisted.

Earlier this year, at the age of 62, Tharwa agreed to be remarried to 72-year-old Rafeeq. After struggling for almost four decades of her life, at a time when she should be enjoying the fruits of her hard work, Tharwa agreed to again accept the man who filled her life with so much misery.

No one from her circle understood why she did what she did. No one understood how her children who were victimised by Rafeeq ended up accepting him back into their almost perfect life.

Many were upset with their decision - including me.

You see, this isn’t a fictional story. And Tharwa (not her real name) is no stranger to me. In fact, we are both very closely related.

Victim, or enabler?

It is not easy to understand why someone so empowered like Tharwa would agree to reconcile with such a vicious human being. Despite being the victim of cruelty for many years, it is mind-boggling to see Tharwa now walking hand in hand with her abuser.

But Tharwa is not alone. Like her, there are many others who have decided to sleep with their enemies. Their reasons may vary and may be difficult for us to digest. Unfortunately, we do not have a say in it. All we could do was bite our lips and take a long deep breath.

These days, everywhere I see Tharwa, I see Rafeeq. In every kenduri, in every festival, there he is, shaking hands with hosts and guests as if he has been cleansed of every sin he has ever committed. I doubt anyone would even associate him with any wrongdoings in the future. It feels as if he has been purified.

While the people who have supported Tharwa all these years look like a bunch of fools, Rafeeq now stands tall with a big smile on his face.

Rafeeq makes me sick, to be honest. But then again, Tharwa and her children who allowed this evil man back into their lives make me feel a lot worse.

By accepting him, forgiving him, cleansing his sins, and protecting him, they are no longer his victims - they have become his enablers.  - Mkini

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FA ABDUL is a multi-award-winning playwright and director in the local performing arts scene, a published author, television scriptwriter, media trainer, and mother. Her ultimate mission in life is to live out of a small suitcase.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.