After
the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the breweries
decide to go to the pub for a drink. The President of Coors said "Can I
have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors,
please."
The bartender gave him the
drink.
Then the President of Budweiser
orders, "The King Of Beers - Budweiser."
The bartender proceeds with the
order.
The President of Amstel walks
in and orders "The Finest Beer ever."
The bartender gives him an
Amstel.
Then the President of Guinness
says, "I'll have a coke please."
The bartender is taken aback by
this but gives the coke to him anyway.
All the Presidents looked over
at him and said, "Why have you ordered a coke?"
He
replied, "Well, if you all aren't drinking beer, then neither shall I!"
This
lady I know is pretty incredible at composing music on the fly...
But one day she fell off!
A
blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing
at a ball to see how she'd do.
The blonde did so and completely
duff the shot.
The pro said, "Your swing
is good but you're gripping the club too hard, instead grip the club gently as
you would in the case of your husband's willy."
The pro said, "That was
excellent!!
Let's try it again, only this time take the club
out of your mouth!"
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not
follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me
alone!
I get plenty of exercise -
jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines!
The man credited with inventing
the personal computer has died, due to a failure of his life support machine.
His last words were, "Have
you tried switching it off and on again?"
Success is relative...
The more success, the more
relatives!
A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule
Air Base, Greenland at midnight.
During the pilot's pre-flight check, he
discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the
last flight. So a message was sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to
the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine
pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find
another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the
aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do. Nevertheless,
he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to
not risk criticism later.
As he left the plane, the pilot
stopped him and said, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this
flight to be late and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just
reprimanded, but punished."
Shivering in the cold, his task
finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, "Sir,
with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air
Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave and the
reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it's
two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job
here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of
punishment did you have in mind?"
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