Mastering your human relations skills

Good human relations is a key determinant of success in both our personal and professional lives.

As social beings, we cannot escape from human interactions in our daily lives and in most matters, we need the assistance and cooperation of other people to attain our goals. In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is the knack of getting along with people.”

Richard Wong (not his real name), graduated with a first-class degree in civil engineering 10 years ago. He had no difficulty in securing a job with a leading construction conglomerate. At the beginning, he gained rapid promotions due to his technical expertise and ability to deliver results on time.

Unfortunately, his performance began to falter when he was subsequently promoted as a senior project manager. Richard was preoccupied with producing results; he cared very little about the “human side” of management. He regarded employees as machines to be knocked about or tools to be made use of in attaining work goals.

Due to Richard’s poor human relations skills, he became extremely unpopular with his subordinates. Richard often reprimanded his subordinates in public and took superior work performance for granted. He also seldom gave serious consideration to the opinions and ideas of his subordinates.

Worse still, Richard adopted the “know-it-all” attitude. Not surprisingly, several of his highly capable engineers quit the organisation because they could no longer tolerate Richard’s “toxic” and abrasive manner of managing people.

Importance of human relations

What does Richard’s story tell us? First, at the workplace, simply knowing how to do a job doesn’t guarantee long-term success. Management, after all, is the art of getting things done with and through other people. In this regard, L Weinberg – a noted management theorist – reminds us that organisations are made of people, not technology or structure; it’s the process of human interactions that is important.

Second, research shows that more careers have been damaged through poor human relations skills than through a lack of technical ability. As aptly concluded by Robert Bolton, 80 percent of people who fail at work do so for one reason: they do not relate well to other people.

According to the Harvard Bureau of Vocational Guidance, 66 percent of job firings are due to poor human relations skills and only 34 percent due to lack of technical knowledge. Similarly, according to the Center for Creative Leadership (Greensboro, North Carolina) about 40 percent of new management hires fail within their first 18 months primarily because of the failure to build good relationships with peers and subordinates.

Third, good human relations generally make an average performer in the workplace seem better to others. Consequently, research shows that managers who get promoted are often not those who excelled in terms of work performance (superior performers) but rather average performers who had superior human relations skills.

Fourth, numerous studies reveal that about 85 percent of success in business can be attributed to people skills and merely 15 percent to technical knowledge.

Fifth and finally, good human relations also help us to feel good about ourselves. According to psychologist Sidney Jourard, most of our joy in life comes from our happy relationships with other people and that most of our disappointments in life emanate from unhappy relationships with others. Simply put, most of our problems are “people problems”.

Human relations is essentially interrelationships among people as they work together, both in terms of conflict and cooperation. Lowell Lamberton defines human relations as “the skill or ability to work effectively through and with other people.”

Good human relations exist when people work together harmoniously in groups to attain common goals. It involves building and maintaining sound long-term relationships with other people; dealing effectively with conflict; and learning how to get along with demanding or unfair superiors. It is important to note that human relations does not involve manipulating others into doing what you want them to do.

10 tips on mastering human relations

1. Treat everyone with respect and dignity. Greet people and address them by their name. Make them feel important. In this regard, Mary Kay Ash – a renowned American businesswoman – reminds us that “everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying: Make me feel important.”

2. Look for the good in people and in situations. Accept people as they are. Concentrate on the relationship, not on the individual’s personality. Give credit when credit is due. Ignore minor irritations.

3. Show a genuine interest in other people. Look them in the eyes with genuine warmth and offer a friendly greeting. Use their names whilst maintaining conversations. Encourage others to talk about themselves and their achievements.

4. Create “win-win” relationships. Seek mutual benefit in all human interactions. Honour commitments; never make a promise that you cannot keep or a decision that you cannot support.

5. Be a good listener; don’t interrupt. Listen attentively with the view of understanding what is being said. Be empathetic – always try to see the other person’s point of view.

6. If necessary, call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Attack the problem, not the person. Let the other person save face. Avoid calling people “stupid” or “idiotic”. Attacking an individual’s personality will only engender feelings of resentment and revenge. Further, do not bring up old mistakes or grievances which will merely result in the other person becoming defensive and angry.

7. Give honest and specific appreciation. Praise in public. Criticise in private. Avoid giving “plastic strokes” i.e., giving praise in one breath and criticism in the next.

8. Manage your emotions productively. Never lose your temper. Avoid being defensive. Admit your mistakes and apologise to those you have inconvenienced. Any good apology has three parts: i) I’m sorry; ii) It’s my fault; and iii) What can I do to make it right? Most people forget the third part. Additionally, avoid needless arguments and sarcastic remarks. Nobody ever really wins an argument.

9. Speak positively of others or not at all. Pass along the nice things you hear about a person to that person. Smile and act cheerful. Practise the basic courtesies such as saying “please” and “thank you”.

10. Maintain confidentiality which is crucial in promoting trust, candour and loyalty in interpersonal relationships. Hence, resist the temptation to feel important by leaking secrets shared with you in confidence by others.

To conclude, more careers have been damaged through faulty human relations skills than through a lack of technical competence. Additionally, many of our problems are interpersonal in nature. Hence, it pays to evaluate your human relations skills and determine if any aspects of it needs further improvement. - Mkini

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RANJIT SINGH MALHI is a widely-quoted authority on self-leadership, peak performance and soft skills. He has written six books on personal excellence, soft skills and management, three of which have been translated into Arabic.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.