SATURDAY JOKES - 82

 

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a distant country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.
As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing 747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "Boeing! Boeing!! Boeing!!!" She forgets where she was, even the pilot in the cock-pit heard the noise.
Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot came out and shouted "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody was looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.
She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "Oeing! Oeing! Oeing!"

Q: How did the blonde break her arm?
A: She fell out of a tree while she was raking leaves.

Sign at a Butcher Shop Window:
Let Me Meat Your Needs!

Speaking to her two daughters, a mother said, "When we get home you need to clean your bedrooms. Your grandmother is coming to visit us tonight and I want the whole house to look tidy."
The younger daughter answered, "We will, Mommy. But isn't that kind of lying?"

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." 

"This is my position, and I will not compromise!"

Sign at a Restaurant Window:
Don't Stand There and Be Hungry, 

Come On In And Get Fed Up!

Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card?
The thief was spending less than his wife!

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!!"

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