A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he
was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd
(alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he
would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step,
"ROAR," step, step, "ROAR," all the way down the aisle. As
you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he
reached the pulpit.
The
little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing,
and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he
was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
A woman
went to see her psychiatrist. "I'm really concerned," she said.
"The other day I found my daughter and the boy next door together, naked,
examining each other's bodies and giggling."
The
psychiatrist smiled. "That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty normal."
"Well,
I don't know," said the woman, "It worries me. It worries my
daughter's husband too."
Because of
back problems, each night I lie on the floor and do exercises.
Once
when we stopped at a motel, as I started my exercise, something under the bed
caught my eye.
It
was a card. On it was written, "Yes, we do clean under here, too!"
Two rural church deacons who were having a
sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and
take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One
deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or
recognize my pickup."
The
other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows
we're in here... and he's the only one who counts."
The
first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Q:
Why can't the Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A:
No attachments.
Many folks have written with perfectly
plausible explanations about why merchants take your phone number on a credit
card charge.
What this fail to address, however, is that if
you are perpetrating a fraud in the use of this credit card, you are not going
to give out a correct phone number.
They make
no effort to validate the phone number before you leave, so what they're doing
is collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people.
Now
then... Why are they collecting the phone numbers of a bunch of honest people?
When
asked as to why you are asked for your phone number when using your charge
cards. The clerk explained that the thieves have been caught because they
stupidly put down their home phone number, not the phone number of the person
who "owned" the card.
What did the
duck say when it bought some lipstick?
“Put it on my bill".
NASA was interviewing professionals they were
planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and
it would be a one-way trip, the guy would never return to Earth.
The
interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be
paid for going.
"One
million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all
to my alma mater - Rice University."
The
next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.
"Two
million dollars," the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my
family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The
last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered
in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why
so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The
lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one million,
I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer."
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