INFERIORITY COMPLEX

 

An inferiority complex is not the same as noticing that someone can do something better than you. We all have moments of feeling that other people are more capable or successful than us. It is how we respond to those feelings that is important. Do you reflect and feel motivated to pursue your own goals? Or do you get caught in a spiral of rumination, self-blame and inadequacy? Does it feel like a confirmation of a pattern - and your belief in your own inherent inferiority? Do you always feel inferior?

Inferiority complex symptoms – what to look out for.

If you regularly feel bad about yourself when you compare yourself to others and it is interfering with your life, you might have an inferiority complex. You may feel yourself to be physically, intellectually, socially or psychologically inferior to others in your peer group. Feeling inferior can be an isolating experience.

Does any of the following sound familiar?

·         The smallest criticism makes you feel terrible for days.

·         You are a perfectionist and nothing is ever quite good enough.

·         You feel like an outsider looking in - like you are different in some way.

·         You have an overriding sense of worthlessness and not feeling "good enough".

·         You hide the ‘real you’ from the world because you think you are unacceptable.

·         You are a people-pleaser and constantly defer to others.

·         You always compare yourself against other people’s top qualities.

·         Social media makes you feel miserable because everyone seems to be happier or more successful than you.

If you feel inferior much of the time, you are at greater risk of anxiety and depression. If you feel you are not as good as other people, you may feel anxious in many situations - and suffer from social anxiety. And low self-esteem is a key factor in the development and maintenance of depression.

Inferiority complex causes – why you might feel inadequate.

Where do these feelings of inferiority come from? There are a number of possibilities - mostly to do with how you think about yourself and others. They may include:

·         Comparison with others. Social media can lead to unhealthy comparisons for some people. Perfectly captured, cropped and filtered images on Instagram can make it seem that everyone is better looking than you and enjoying a more glamorous lifestyle. But social media is not real life - and you are only seeing a highly edited, curated subset of someone else’s best moments. And it is not just social media. The media as a whole, especially advertising, presents us daily with unattainable images of perfection. And you might compare yourself unfavourably to others because you only focus on their best qualities.

·         Failure life trap. The failure life trap or ‘schema’, is a pattern of thinking and behaviour that has its roots in childhood. It may result from being constantly criticised by a parent and can lead to self-sabotaging behaviour. You see yourself and your achievements as never meeting the standards of your peers, and you give up trying - which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

·         Social isolation life trap. Do you feel like you do not fit in? The social isolation life trap or schema can hold us back because it (wrongly) makes us believe that we are fundamentally different in some way - and possibly inferior. You might have grown up feeling your family was different from those around you. As you grew up, you may have felt inferior to your peers.

·         Defectiveness life trap. If you have this life trap or schema you feel like there is something inherently inferior, flawed or fundamentally wrong with you - and you might avoid putting yourself in situations that will lead to you being judged or evaluated. Perhaps you grew up with a parent who put themselves down a lot, and you internalised this. Or you grew up with parents who were perfectionists and pushed you to succeed - and left you feeling that you would never be good enough. Or maybe you were not given enough encouragement and grew up feeling like you would never get anywhere in life.

·         Magnification/minimisation. This is an unhelpful thinking style or ‘thinking trap’ where you focus on the negative and minimise the positive. Do you, for example, always focus on your flaws and play down your strengths? And do you focus on other people’s best qualities while ignoring their faults?

·         Black-and-white thinking. Imagine thinking “I’m a complete failure” and then, “But he’s perfect. He never gets anything wrong”. The black-and-white thinking trap, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, results in oversimplifying things in this way - rather than seeing things as more complicated, nuanced and in shades of grey.

Inferiority complex – how to overcome it.

To start to overcome your feelings of inferiority, try the following:

·         Make fewer comparisons. If you find the endless social media scroll is making you feel inferior, try to restrict the time you spend on these platforms - and the people you follow. And do not feel you have to ‘live up’ to other people – whether idealised media images or your own friends. Everyone is on their own path and no one really knows what struggles other people have. Identify your own values and goals - and focus on those.

·         Practice gratitude. Research shows that if you are grateful for the good things in your life, you will tend to make fewer comparisons with other people. What are you grateful for? Make a list. Everyone has things to be grateful for.

·         Challenge your thinking. One of the most effective things you can do is to challenge any unhelpful thinking styles and negative thoughts that leave you feeling inferior, unworthy and defective. This is something that therapy can help with.

·         Do not rely on positive affirmations. This sounds counter-intuitive, as we are often told that repeating positive affirmations can boost self-esteem. But research shows that while this may work for people who are already confident, if you have low self-esteem, it can make you feel worse. Challenging your thinking is more effective.

·         Give yourself a chance. If you tend to avoid situations where you could fail or might feel inadequate, try instead to put yourself in situations where realistic achievements are possible.

·         Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation helps bring you back to the present moment instead of ruminating on past mistakes or worrying about the future. Research shows that mindfulness can increase self-acceptance - which may reduce your feelings of inferiority.

·         Practice self-acceptance. Own up on your flaws and insecurities. No one is perfect. And that is fine. Give yourself a break.

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