A minister decided to do
something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single
word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want
you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the
congregation started singing, in unison, "The Old Rugged
Cross."
The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation
began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."
The pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang
"There Is Power in the Blood."
The Pastor said,
"Sex." The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in
shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid
to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, from all
the way back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and
began to sing "Precious Memories!"
He: Why
did you put on these high-heel shoes? It seems so inconvenient for you to walk.
She: I thought you liked tall girls.
He: I like clever girls.
She: That's why I've put on the glasses...
What do you say to comfort an
English teacher?
They’re there, dear!
A lady
walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
The druggist asks, "Ma'am, what do you want with
arsenic?"
The lady says, "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason," says the
pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of
a man and a woman in a compromising position, the man is her husband and the
lady is the pharmacist's wife and shows it to the pharmacist.
He looks at the photo and says, "Oh I didn't know you
had a prescription!"
A woman in labour suddenly
shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doctor.
"Those are just contractions!"
If you are choking on an ice
cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling
water down your throat and presto!
The blockage will almost
instantly be removed!
If people from Poland are
called 'Poles' why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes'?
A man walking along a
California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head
and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be
faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a
bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your
request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind
of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The
concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural
resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for
worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would
honour and glorify me".
The man thought about it for a
long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife.
I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the
silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing's
wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge!"
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.
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