Four
old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for
Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed
and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and
play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and
said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet
here early on Christmas morning."
Months later, that special
morning arrives, and there they are on the course.
The
first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such
an expensive diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I
spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up
to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says " Well,
my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They
all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have
lost their minds.
"I
can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife
on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'take your
sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'!"
Where do snowmen keep their savings?
In the snowbank!
Muggins:
"Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has its inconveniences."
Buggins: "What do you miss
most?"
Muggins:
"The last train home at night!"
Wayne was returning home from a business trip,
bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport
garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and
the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered.
"I'll take you to your car."
Startled, Wayne took a step
backward. "Ah... no thanks," he answered. "I can get there
myself."
"No!" the man barked
back as he threw open his passenger side door. "Get In!"
Wayne's eyes now darted around
the garage, hoping to find a security guard.
Just then, the driver's face
softened...
"Please," he said,
"I've been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to park
and I want yours!"
Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?
No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time!
A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a faraway land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the
plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in
feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head.
The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.
The
mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I told you to
marry a RICH Doctor! A RICH Doctor!"
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man!
Starting
an online conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a
software engineer.
Husband : (Returning late from
work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the
grocery?
Husband
: Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the
morning.
Husband
: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife : What about my new
TV?
Husband
: Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your
Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband
: Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Wife : Do you love me or do you
only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband : Too many parameters
...
Wife : It was a great mistake
that I married an idiot like you.
Husband
: Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are useless.
Husband
: It's by Default.
Wife : What about your
Salary?
Husband
: File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife : What is my value in the
family.
Husband : Unknown Virus!
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