Speaking up for victims of male sexual violence

 

From Joshua Inberaj

I believe male sexual violence to be one of the most under-reported crimes in Malaysia. Men and boys who experience rape most often stay silent for obvious reasons in a society that tells them that 

boys don’t cry

 and that they should be strong enough to stand up for themselves.

Just last year, police records showed that 4% of sexual harassment and assault cases reported in 2023 were by male victims. I often think of this 4% – these 135 men and boys – whose cases are on record, and marvel at their bravery.

I also think of the hundreds of men and boys who have stayed silent and in the shadows, fighting a private lifelong battle with the aftereffects of sexual violence, without the support of law enforcement, support from the state, or support from society.

I am one of the boys whose stories stayed in the shadows for a long time. As a boy growing up in a small community in Klang, I was in many ways an average Malaysian boy. Like most boys my age, I was naughty and mischievous. I enjoyed pulling pranks on my friends.

I had a fun and carefree childhood. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined that my world would be shattered by sexual violence at such a young age.

What started off as private tuition sessions in my own home with a trusted tuition teacher ended up in months of sexual abuse. I remember the fear and confusion I constantly felt in those months as I was groomed and the feeling of being trapped when I was sexually abused. Often, I felt guilty and ashamed of myself.

As a child, there is a limit to what you can comprehend of the world around you. Children do not have the ability to completely understand crimes being done to them. Similarly, at such a tender age, I had no concept that what was being done to me was criminal and in no way normal. In fact, I tried my best to 

be good

 to avoid those incidents from repeating. But no matter what I did, the abuse did not stop.

For years to come, the aftereffects of the abuse left me grappling with reality. Even as an adult, I am often brought back to moments when I felt trapped in the study room of my childhood home, alone with the perpetrator. In those moments, I am a child again – helpless and paralysed.

Last year, I decided to seek out other victims of male rape – whether they were raped as boys or as adults. I wanted to know how other victims coped and how they continued living and if their lives ever got back to 

normal

. I quickly discovered that I was not alone in my experience. Many men shared their stories with me, and I also heard from those who were not victims themselves, but who had close friends, family members or loved ones who experienced male sexual violence or abuse. I discovered a common thread in all the stories I heard – it was the silence. The deafening silence of not speaking up and of having to stay silent because our stories were not believed.

What was I to do? Go to the police? And then what?

 

There are no laws protecting me. I report, and so what?

 

I was beaten up by two men and my head was bleeding. I just had to stop fighting, give in and let them rape me, so that I wasn’t beaten to death.

 

I was only 10 years old.

 

My parents didn’t believe me.

 

My dad beat me because he said I was lying about being raped by the boarding school warden.

The aftereffects of male rape that victims have to live with for the rest of our lives is harrowing and heartbreaking. Last year, through the support of the FreedomFilmFest film grant awarded by the Freedom Film Network, I was able to document the experiences of male rape victims for a documentary titled 

Nothing Gentle in the Shadows

.

The documentary featured three of the many stories I collected. Especially because data on male sexual violence is hard to come by in Malaysia, I wanted the stories of male rape victims to be seen and heard. Through this documentary, I wanted for these heinous crimes happening in the shadows to come to light.

Male rape is not a trivial matter. It is a crime and the government and society should treat it as such. There must be protocols in place when a victim seeks help whether at the hospital, at the police station, or at schools. There must be laws to protect boys and men from sexual abuse. Perpetrators continue offending because of the absence of punitive laws, while victims are shamed and shut down. Where is justice in this?

In making 

Nothing Gentle in the Shadows

, my greatest hope is for victims’ stories to not only be heard but to be believed, and for society to support them. Parents, teachers, and adults must be held accountable for not reporting sexual assault on boys and young men.

I also hope lawmakers look into the inadequacy of current laws and make the necessary amendments to provide optimum protective laws for boys and men where male sexual violence is concerned. It is high time the government addresses the issue of male rape instead of letting it lurk in the shadows. If not for justice for the victims, to proactively protect this generation and generations to come.

Nothing Gentle in the Shadows

 will premiere at FreedomFilmFest24 on Aug 3 at the PJ Live Arts, Jaya One Petaling Jaya.

Passes to the premiere are by registration only at https://www.cloudjoi.com/shows/2008-nothing-gentle-in-the-shadows - FMT

Joshua Inberaj is a filmmaker.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.