Family and unity come first for Muslim converts

For the Chinese, nothing is quite as important during the Lunar New Year than family and togetherness.

Perhaps this is easier said than done. People change, families can drift apart.

Keeping together requires effort, understanding and acceptance of differences.

Shawwal Chan Pui Mun, 30, remembers how upset her family was when she first embraced Islam in 2010 and married a Pakistani.

“My sister and parents cried a lot. They worried for me, not only because of my conversion, but because I was going to marry a man who was not a local,” she told Bernama.

Her five siblings were also worried that with her conversion to Islam, they would lose a sister.

“I assured them that no matter what happens, I would always be their sister, their family member,” she said, when met at the Malaysian Chinese Muslim Association (Macma) Grand Chinese New Year reunion dinner at the Grand Imperial Restaurant by Sharin Low at the Seri Pacific Hotel in Kuala Lumpur.

Islam does not require a person to rid of any reference to their race, culture or family upon adopting the faith. In fact, it advocates close family ties and strong respect to non-Muslim family members.

However, not many are aware of this, leading to the mistaken belief that a person would lose their cultural identity upon embracing the religion.

“It took some time for my family members to accept my conversion, but after a year they realised that nothing about me has changed except my faith. I was still their sister and daughter. Their family member,” she said.

Shawwal remembers the heart-to-heart talk her parents had with her a month after her conversion.

“They told me that even though I had converted and married, I should not see myself as a stranger. I was still part of their family. So if my husband or in-laws did not treat me well, I could always come home.

“Here is your home, they said. The door is always open for you. And they kept to their word. To this day, they would welcome me with open arms,” she said.

When she resigned from her job due to her pregnancy nearly four years ago, she had asked her husband if they could move to Cheras, nearer to her parents’ home. He agreed.

“When my sister found out I was moving houses, she told me to not trouble myself with cleaning the new house before moving in because I was pregnant. She offered to do it herself and she did,” Shawwal recalled.

Her now three-year-old daughter shares a close bond with her family, visiting them every other day.

“She is very close to my parents and her cousins, which is why her Mandarin is very good,” she said.

Acceptance and understanding

Shawwal’s journey to Islam was an independent one.

“I did my own research on Islam by consulting a Chinese Muslim ustaz (religious teacher).

"He gave me a free copy of the Quran with Mandarin translation and two books on Islam. I was very satisfied with what I read and converted soon after,” she said.

Although she was raised by Buddhists, she did not practice the faith and thus found her conversion to Islam an easy transition.

As her family practiced vegetarianism, eating together was not much of an issue.

Despite that, her family was respectful towards her dietary restrictions, even separating the tables and plates in which the meals were set.

“They even have separate cookware and utensils for preparing our meals. I would visit them almost every day and often bring back home food for my husband when he gets back from work,” she said.

Shawwal and her family continues to celebrate CNY together every year, as she did before she became Muslim.

“People used to tell me that after conversion things would get very complicated between me and my family but Alhamdulillah (praise be to God), I have been blessed by such a wonderful and loving family,” she said.

Trying anyway

Unfortunately, for Nurmaisarah Leong Yeok Keen, the journey has not been as easy.

Till this day, the 49-year-old is still struggling to connect with many of her family members who frowned upon conversion.

She had wanted to embrace Islam since 39 years ago but only managed to do so 10 years ago, after her parents died.

“When my parents were alive, they objected to my decision to convert,” said the widow from Grik, Perak.

Three years before embracing Islam, she stopped consuming non-halal food and at the age of 39 she took her shahadah (testimony of faith) in Taiping.

Coming from a large family, Nurmaisarah felt it important to maintain good relations with every family member. However, some were still upset with her change of faith and avoided contact.

“I have 11 siblings and four of them are still unhappy with my conversion. They refused to engage in conversations with me and would answer my greetings noncommittally. When I call, my elder brother would often tell me he’s too busy to talk and put down the phone quickly,” said Nurmaisarah, who currently lives in Section 16, Petaling Jaya.

Nevertheless, she would make it a point to join in the CNY celebrations with them.

“I would bring food from home and sometimes my sister-in-law would prepare halal food for me like steamboat dishes.

“Even though not all my siblings like my presence, I would always visit their homes during the first day of CNY,” she said.

A year after her conversion, her sister informed her that among the reasons her siblings were angered by her conversion was that she did not keep her surname.

Islam does not require for a name change upon conversion, unless the name bears an ill meaning. However, Nurmaisarah said that those involved in the process of her conversion did not explain this to her, so she had initially changed her name to Nurmaisarah Abdullah.

“After that, I applied to JPN (the National Registration Department) to have my name changed and today I am able to keep my Chinese name,” she said.

Shawwal and Nurmaisarah are not alone in their journey into Islam. There are many more who have been through a seamless passage or faced challenges in keeping up with their new faith. No matter what, they believe that they have
made the right decision and are determined to live as Muslims.

Restaurant owner Sharin Low, who is also the deputy president of Macma, embraced Islam when he was 21 and understands the challenges faced by new Muslims. He actively provides assistance for them through the association.

This year marks the 8th reunion dinner held by Macma. In his speech during the dinner, Sharin said the reunion dinner was the most important event of the year for the Chinese.

“The reunion dinner is important because it is a time when we come together in unity. The Chinese believe that if we eat together, we will stay together.

“This is the one night in the year when everyone gets together and whatever is in the past, we put aside as we move into the new year. That is what’s important.”

- Bernama