WISHFUL THINKING

 

We are constantly making decisions about work and relationships, but do you think that they are all rational and logical? Sometimes, we do not realize that our own wishful thinking has a lot of influence over our decisions.

When you desire something, like achieving a goal or buying that house you saw and could not get out of your mind, you send a signal to your brain that indicates you are missing something. Every decision you make from then on will be influenced by this desire.

So, what happens to reality? It transforms into what you want it to be and causes you to think that everything is going your way. It is not difficult to see how many problems this can cause, not only in relationships, but also at work. Reality is what it is, and as much as you want to see it through other eyes, it is not going to change.

Thought becomes a slave to desire

It might seem extreme, but thought becomes a slave to the desires of the mind, especially if it is a really big desire. When this happens, as rational as you think you are in the moment you make the decision, that is not how it is. You no longer see reality as it is; you see what you want to see.

Wishful thinking is based on illusion and fantasy. As such, it does not matter what is really happening. If you are going down the wrong path, if people are not treating you well, if you are making mistakes, you cannot see any of it because you are visualizing a different world, one that you imagine and make real in your mind.

Despite the fact that wishful thinking can be a form of motivation, it can also become a way to avoid a situation that you do not like. For example, imagine you are in a relationship where everything is going badly. You want everything to be like it was before, when everything was better. In your mind, you remember the times when happiness reigned. You bring these memories to the present and imagine that this is how the relationship is going now.

You are living in a fantasy world without meaning to and without being aware that you are closing your eyes to what is happening. So, you pretend. You end up focusing on yourself, your own desires, and you end up forgetting about others. This causes serious problems.

The traps of wishful thinking

You have to realize that wishful thinking never comes from reality; it comes from what you want to happen. But being realistic is necessary to avoid falling for certain traps that can cause serious problems in your life. The following are a few examples:

• You focus on the goalsand not on the process. This prevents you from seeing the mistakes you are making, what you are doing wrong, and if you do not remedy this, it would not end well. The thing you desired so much can work against you.
• You do not confirm whether what you want is feasible.When you have a goal or a dream, the first thing you have to do is verify whether it is doable so that your effort is not in vain and you avoid disappointment. Wishful thinking prevents you from making this evaluation and allows you to dedicate resources to goals that are beyond your reach.
• You get frustrated and disappointed.Wishful thinking causes you to live in a fantasy world. This means that, when you have to stick to reality, you get frustrated and disappointed. However, if your desire is strong enough, you will prolong the situation that is gradually wearing you down.

If you live in this fantasy world for too long, the time will come when you would not know how to distinguish between what is real and what is not. There will be moments in your interpersonal relationships when others will try to open your eyes. Reality will slap you in the face and make you sad, and you would not go back to that fantasy to feel better.

You will find yourself in the real world, which you cannot escape from no matter how much you want to. If you do not open your eyes, other people and situations will do it for you. But it is better for you to open them for yourself, if you do not want to be torn apart by the dream you have been buried in for so long, a lie that you believed was real.

Wishful thinking is very comfortable. You like it; it is right where you want to be. But it also turns you into a coward who runs away from reality and everything you do not want to accept.

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