TUESDAY JOKES - 75

 

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the "no-bell" prize!

"You see, doctor, I’m always dizzy for half an hour after I get up in the morning,” said Liza.
"I have the solution for you," replied the doctor.
"Really, what is it?"
“Well, try getting up half an hour later."

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

100,000 soles were lost.

The police said some heels started it!

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there."
The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or have sex?"

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." 

Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by President George W Bush, which sent him around the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

 

Two windmills are standing on the windmill farm.

One asks, "What's your favourite type of music."

"I'm a big metal fan!"

 

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They're speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Labrador speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Labrador's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is the Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Labrador and says: "Liver alone. Cheese mine!"

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