David had been extremely
anxious for years. It got to the point where his compulsive worrying was
ruining his life, so he went to a psychiatrist who recommended that David hire
a professional worrier.
After he'd been working with
the specialist for a few months, David's friend John noticed a change.
"What happened?" John asked. "You don't worry about anything
anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier!" David answered.
"That must cost a fortune," John said.
"Yes, he charges RM10,000 a month," David said sheepishly.
"Ten thousand ringgit! How can you ever afford to pay
him?" John exclaimed.
"I don't know," David
said. "That's his problem!"
Can you
please stop asking Santa for the perfect woman???
I almost got kidnapped 3 times today!!!
Children were called upon in a
classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher.
The teacher smiled when Jack, a
slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a
sentence with the words "Defeat," "Defense,"
"Deduct," and "Detail."
Jack stood thinking for a
while; all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply.
Smiling, he then proudly
shouted out, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!!!"
There was a competition to
cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke and the three women who
entered the race were a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours,
the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40
minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the
second-place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and
promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it
took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound
like I'm a sore loser but I think those two other girls were using their
arms...
Apple announced today that it
has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iBoob will
cost from RM4,999 to RM6,999, depending upon the cup and speaker size.
The developers are hailing this
as a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men
staring at their breasts and not listening to them!
Our consumers need to own the
biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive
off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling
equipment is well documented.
As marketing targets, men are
suckers for terms like "professional" or "industrial
strength," because inside every man is the germ of every profession, he
ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are
harmless, little more than childish wish-fulfillment played out at a higher
testosterone level. But occasionally we go too far.
The guy upstairs from me once
boasted that he had a filter that filled his flat with "operating
theatre-quality air." I kept him away from my surgical steel steak knives!
It’s been raining for days now
and my husband seems very depressed by it...
He keeps standing by the window, staring.
If it continues like this, I’m
going to have to let him in!
From: Hospital Director.
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions.
It has come to our attention
from several emergency rooms that many emergency medical service narratives
have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all
members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients,
such as the following:-
a) Cardiac patients should not
be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape),
PCL (pre-code looking), or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
b) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor
are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental
state.
c) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit), FDGB (fall
down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch), or "hamburger helper."
Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like
"negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal
deceleration syndrome.
d) Hazardous material teams are
highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
e) Persons with altered mental
states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
f) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital
implants."
g) The homeless are not
"urban outdoorsmen" nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a
"PVC Challenge."
h) And finally, do not refer to
recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room
temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right
there) or NLPR (no long-playing records).
I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.
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