To forgive and forget

 

A neighbour came over a few weeks ago, wanting to borrow my dad’s ladder. He wanted to use the ladder to finish up some work around the house. With Hari Raya coming soon, he wanted his place to look nice and presentable to his visitors.

“Mintak maaf banyak-banyak na, tapi bapak nak pakai tangga (I am so sorry, but my dad is planning to use the ladder),” I told him.

“Oh macam tu (I see),” he replied as he turned around, scratching his head with one hand and holding his waist with another.

He stood there for a moment, staring at the freshly cut grass, before turning around once again with a different question, “Bila Mamu habis guna (When will he be done with it)?”

“Aaa….” I began pacing, not knowing how to respond. This wasn’t included in dad’s script.

Here’s a little background story about my dad, his ladder and our neighbour. My dad has a heavy-duty double-extension steel ladder which he uses to do work around the house. Like many of his precious tools in his garage, dad takes very good care of his ladder.

A few months ago, my dad lent his steel ladder to our neighbour who was doing some self-renovation work. For a few days that followed, dad saw our neighbour busy working on his house, making full use of the ladder.

A couple of weeks went by, but the ladder was still not returned. When dad asked, our neighbour informed him that the ladder had been passed on to someone else in the neighbourhood who needed a ladder.

Dad was upset because the ladder did not belong to our neighbour in the first place for him to be passing it around. However, he kept his cool when told by our neighbour that he will get the ladder back soon.

Another couple of weeks passed and dad needed his ladder for some chores around our house. Unfortunately, dad was asked to wait because our neighbour was still depending on the ladder to get some work done. Though dad was infuriated at this point, he decided to give the neighbour one final week.

A week later, dad marched over to our neighbour’s house, demanding his ladder and finally brought it home.

Quite angry and frustrated with our neighbour’s lack of respect for other people’s belongings, dad made a general announcement to family members under his roof. We were instructed not to lend the ladder to our neighbour ever again - and if asked, to mention that he needs it.

And that brings me back to the conversation I had with my neighbour a few weeks ago. I could see his desperation for the ladder and had no choice but to leave the matter to dad himself.

After talking for a while, I saw dad carrying his steel ladder out of the garage and passing it to the neighbour. He gave in.

“It’s okay lah. He really needed it,” dad said when he saw me raising my eyebrows at the door.

“Hopefully, he will take better care of it this time around,” I replied.

Unfortunately, our neighbour did not learn his lesson. A week after borrowing the ladder, it was finally returned in a dirty state, with stains of hardened cement all over the steps.

Upset, dad took a few afternoons to clean and scrape off the cement to return it to its original condition.

“That’s it! No more lending things to them!” dad said.

And then, yesterday evening right after breaking our fast, we heard our neighbour at the door, calling frantically.

“Lampu dapoq dah pecah, la ni rumah tengah dok gelap. Nak mintak pinjam tangga Mamu jap, boleh (The kitchen bulb broke, the house is now dark. Can I borrow your ladder, uncle)?”

Dad nodded quietly and handed over his old but sturdy wooden ladder, one which he made himself and told the neighbour to keep for good.

To (not) forgive and (not) forget

Malaysians generally are easily forgiving. We are clothed in kindness and compassion, even towards strangers.

We allow people to cut queues at the grocery, cut lanes in traffic and even treat us in a rude manner. This of course does not necessarily mean we are excusing or approving their behaviour.

Sometimes when people wrong or offend us, we put ourselves in their shoes and give them a reasonable doubt - maybe they had a bad day, or maybe they are really in a hurry, or maybe they just don’t know any better.

For some of us though, we forgive not by being understanding, but by forgetting. We believe that if we just turn a blind eye and focus on moving on, we will be able to put everything behind us and be happy again.

Allowing bygones to be bygones is incredibly freeing, it leaves us in a place of unshakeable peace.

I am not sure if my dad’s decision to forgive our neighbour was an act of kindness or just his attempt to free himself from feeling bitter – but regardless, I am glad about the outcome.

Living in a close-knit Malaysian community, we seldom step on each other’s toes, but we always make it a point to forgive, forget and rekindle the relationship. That is the Malaysia we all know.

However, there are some people in Malaysia who do not deserve to be forgiven nor should their wrongdoings be forgotten. Yes, I am talking about the corrupt politicians who have enriched themselves by plundering the nation’s coffers.

Yes, everyone deserves a second chance but not every disgraced politician deserves a pardon. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a politician with a history of deceit, lies and corruption, is to refuse to grant him another chance at climbing his political ladder.

Instead, we should petition, protest and rebel against every politician who does wrong – and we should condemn every attempt to grant them a pardon.

After all, while forgiveness may come from kindness and compassion - justice has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is about punishment.

To all Malaysians, I wish you Selamat Hari Raya. Let us live a blessed life in this beloved land with peace and joy by forgiving our neighbours and seeking justice for one another. - Mkini

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FA ABDUL is a multi-award-winning playwright and director in the local performing arts scene, a published author, television scriptwriter, media trainer, and mother. Her ultimate mission in life is to live out of a small suitcase.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.