One thing that connects us as human beings is our ability to feel
pain. Whether that pain is physical or emotional, we all have experiences of
being hurt. What separates us though, is how we deal with that pain.
Emotional pain prevents you from healing from a situation, it is a sign
that we are not moving forward in a growth-oriented way. One of the best
ways to heal from hurts is to learn lessons from the situation and use those to
focus on growth and forward momentum. If we get stuck in thinking about what
“should have been,” we can become immobilized in painful feelings and memories.
Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts
How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you
stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain
can help you reframe your thoughts. For example, says clinical
psychologist Carla Manly, instead of getting stuck in, “I can’t believe this
happened to me!” try a positive mantra such as, “I am fortunate to be able to
find a new path in life - one that is good for me.”
Create physical distance
It is not uncommon to hear someone say that you should distance
yourself from the person or situation that is causing you to be
upset. According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, that is not
such a bad idea. “Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves
and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that
we are not having to think about it, process it, or being reminded of it as
much,” she explains.
Do your own work
Focusing on yourself is important. You have to make the choice to
address the hurt that you have experienced. When you think about a person who
caused you pain, bring yourself back to the present. Then, focus on something
that you are grateful for.
Practice mindfulness
The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, the less
impact our past or future has on us. When we start practicing being
present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to
choose how we want to respond to our lives.
Be gentle with yourself
If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful
situation is to criticize yourself, it is time to show yourself some kindness
and compassion. Treat ourselves like we would treat a friend, offering
ourselves self-compassion, and avoiding comparisons between our journey and
those of others. Hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to able to
avoid pain; however, we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and lovingly when
it comes.
Allow the negative
emotions to flow
If you have fear of feeling negative emotions causing you to avoid
them, do not worry, you are not alone. In fact, people are afraid of feelings
such as grief, anger, disappointment, or sadness. Rather than feeling
them, people just try to shut them out, which can disrupt the process of
letting go. These negative emotions are like riptides. Let them flow out of you
… It may require mental health intervention, but fighting them can leave you
stuck.
Accept that the other
person may not apologize
Waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you will slow down
the process of letting go. If you are experiencing hurt and pain, it is
important you take care of your own healing, which may mean accepting that the
person who hurt you is not going to apologize.
Engage in self-care
When we are hurting, it often feels like there is nothing but
hurt. Practicing self-care can look like setting boundaries, saying no, doing
the things that bring us joy and comfort, and listening to our own needs
first. The more we can implement self-care into our daily lives, the more
empowered we become. From that space, our hurt does not feel as overwhelming.
Surround yourself with
people who fill you up
This simple yet powerful tip can help carry you through a lot of
hurt. We cannot live our lives alone, and we cannot expect ourselves to
get through our hurts alone, either. Allowing ourselves to lean on loved ones
and their support is such a wonderful way of not only limiting isolation but of
reminding us of the good that is in our lives.
Give yourself permission
to talk about it
When you are dealing with painful feelings or a situation that
hurts you, it is important to give yourself permission to talk about it.
Sometimes people cannot let go because they feel they are not allowed to
talk about it. This may be because the people around them no longer want to
hear about it or the person is embarrassed or ashamed to keep talking about
it. But talking it out is important.
Give yourself permission
to forgive
Since waiting for the other person to apologize can stall the
process of letting go, you may have to work on your own
forgiveness. Forgiveness is vital to the healing process because it allows
you to let go of anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feeling you may be
experiencing and move on.
Seek professional help
If you are struggling to let go of a painful experience, you may
benefit from talking to a professional. Sometimes it is difficult to implement
these tips on your own, and you may need an experienced professional to help
guide you through the process.
To let go of past hurts, you need to make the conscious decision
to take control of the situation. However, this can take time and practice. Be
kind to yourself as you practice refocusing on how you see the situation, and
celebrate the small victories you have.
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