CHINESE NEW YEAR JOKES

 

The Government of China announced today that they would be removing all telephones from their country. After 6 months of hard lobbying, the Organization for Independent Speech has convinced Chinese politicians to take this action. They argued that there are too many Wings and Wongs and that many people are becoming annoyed when others Wing the Wong number. 

Q: What is the name of the notorious Chinese rapist? 

A: Rai Ping Yu 

Two Chinese exchange students arrived at the university cafeteria for lunch and ask what was available for lunch and were told there were pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs and fries. They each ordered a hot dog and sat down at a table to eat. After unwrapping the tin foil off his hot dog, he looks at the hot dog and asks the other "So what part of the dog did you get?" 

Q: What time was it when the monster ate the Chinese Prime Minister? 

A: Eight P.M. 

A Chinese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2,100 yuan and walked out with $300. The following week, he walked in with another 2,100 yuan, and was handed $286. He asked the teller why he got less money this week than the previous week. The teller said, "Fluctuations". The Chinese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

Q: What do you call a game show in a Chinese Restaurant? 

A: Wheel of Fortune cookies. 

An American businessman goes to China on a business trip, but he hates Chinese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he could get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gave the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.

Q: How do you know if a Chinese gang robbed your house? 

A: All the rice is gone and three hours later they're still trying to backup out of your driveway. 

There lived in the State of Qi a man who had a very bad memory. While walking, he would forget to stop; while sleeping, he would forget to rise. His wife was very much worried about this and said to him one day: "I've heard that Master Ai is a very learned man with a glib tongue. He can even bring the dying back to life. Why don't you go and consult him?" "Good idea!" the man agreed. So, he set out on horseback, bow and arrow in hand. Before he had covered a distance of 3 he felt a call of nature. He dismounted and, after sticking the arrow into the ground and tying the horse to a tree, crouched down to relieve himself. This done, he stood up and looking to the left caught sight of the arrow. "Wow!" he cried. " What a narrow escape! I wonder where that stray arrow came from. It nearly hit me." Then, looking to the right, he saw the horse. "Well, well!" he said with joy. " Though I've been badly frightened, I'm now rewarded with this windfall of a horse." Seizing the bridle of the horse, he was about to turn round when he inadvertently stepped on his own excrement. Stamping his foot, he cried: " Damn it! This pile of dog's dung has soiled my shoe. What a pity!" Whipping his horse, he galloped off in the wrong direction. Not long afterwards, he arrived home. Pacing up and down in front of his own house, he muttered to himself: "Whose house is this? Can this be the residence of Master Ai?" At that moment, his wife saw him. Guessing that his memory must have taken leave of him again, she let loose a torrent of abuse. Very much upset, the man complained: "I've never seen you before in my life. Why hurl insults at me like that, old lady?" 

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