MERDEKA HOLIDAY JOKES

 

A conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening, Dear, I'm now logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the grocery? 

Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morning 

Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife : What about my new TV? 

Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. 

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? 

Husband : Too many parameters ...
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. 

Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are useless. 

Husband : It's by Default.
Wife : What about your Salary? 

Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife : What is my value in the family. 

Husband : Unknown Virus!

One night, Ismail was walking home alone when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Ismail and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Ismail put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.
The thief then went through Ismail's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Ismail was 1 ringgit.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Ismail why he had bothered to fight so hard for 1 ringgit.
“Was that all you wanted?” Ismail replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred ringgit I've got in my shoe!”

In a supermarket, Kassim lost sight of his wife. He comes up to a nice young lady and asks, "Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?"

"Why should I?"

"It's always the same - as soon as I get into talking with a pretty woman, my wife abruptly pops up from out of nowhere!"

Dad, will you help me with my homework?"
"I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right."

"Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try!"

 

Three little boys were sitting on a porch. The first little boy says, "What would you do with a million dollars?" The second boy said, "I'd buy that blue Cadillac over there." The third little boy said, "I'd buy the pink Cadillac sitting over there." 

Then the third little boy asked the first what he'd do with the money. The first boy replied, "I'd cover myself in hair." The other two asked "why?" and he said because my sister has a long patch of hair and she owns both those Cadillac!

A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge and there was this character standing there with a cup in his hand. He goes, Hey, can you help out my wife and family? I said, Sure. And I pushed him off the bridge!

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously grounded to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me and in no time at all, I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again!"

Dear Tech Support,

Last year, I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? 

I M Depress.

 

Dear I M Depress,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.
WARNING DO NOT TRY TO un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 2.0 in the background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Girlfriend 2.0 and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-recoverable system crash.
Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling and 1NiteStand. Often these systems have become infected with viruses.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs.
The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0
-Monthly use utilities such as The Learning Channel and Fight To Death!
-Frequently use Communicator 5.0

With best wishes,
Tech Support.

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