TUESDAY JOKES - 156

 

Mt. Kinabalu at around 7am on 17 April 2023

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
Joel, she said, I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath.

Don't worry. replied her husband. If the neighbours do see you, they will buy curtains!

 

Boss: "Working hard here, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Ever since I heard you coming down the stairs, boss!"

 

America knows exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. 

Maybe the USA should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!

 

Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor."
John: "Is he feeling better now?"
Jack: "No, he has a broken arm."
John: "How did he break it?"
Jack: "Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window."
John: "How did he break his arm?"

Jack: "He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription!"

 

Why does a slight tax increase cost you hundreds of ringgit whereas a substantial tax cut saves you thirty sen?

 

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for years!

A man was shopping in the men's department at Bloomingdale's when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.
He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam."
She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you like?"
The man said, "I would like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress ... But what I need is a new tie!"

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.