A
police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down the
Main Street.
"But officer." the
man began, "I can explain".
"Just be quiet,"
snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until
the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just
wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet!
You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer
looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at
his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't
count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom!"
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period
it came from!
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her
boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself today.
Do you know what that means?" the boyfriend
says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again!"
What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a
piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
A glad-he-ate-her!
A man
entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three
identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500
ringgit."
"Why does that parrot cost
so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well,
it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next
parrot on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000
ringgit because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how
to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked
about the third parrot.
"That one costs 2,000
ringgit."
"And what does that one
do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be
honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"
"I bet you can't tell me something that will
make me both happy and angry at the same time," a husband says to his
wife.
She thinks about it for a moment and then
responds, "Your willy is bigger than your brother's!"
What's long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine!
The only cow in a small Kedah town stopped giving
milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just
across the state line in Perlis for RM 4,000.
They brought the cow from
Perlis and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and
the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull
to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to
worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it
in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to
mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried,
the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the vet, who was very wise, what
to do.
They told the vet what was
happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If
he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the
front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other
side."
The vet thought about this for
a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Perlis?"
The people were dumbfounded,
since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly
a wise vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from
Perlis?"
The vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Perlis!"
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