TUESDAY JOKES - 338

 

A Korean guy asked God.

“God, when will Korea win the World Cup?”

God said “50 years”.

The Korean guy cried because he won’t live to see his country win.

A Singaporean asked God.

“God, when will Singapore win the World Cup?”

God said “100 years”.

The Singaporean guy cried because he and his son won’t see his country win.

Finally, a Malaysian guy asked God.

“God, when will Malaysia win the World Cup?”

God cried instead!

 

They were selling brains for brain transplant at the hospital and so the doctor was explaining to the customer: “This here is a brain of a fellow doctor, he has a lot of experience and knowledge in medicine, it costs 10 million ringgit”‘

At the next brain: “Here we have a brain of a professor, he knows a lot of theories and have seen a lot of the world, it costs 50 million ringgit”.

At the third brain: “This is a brain of a Malay man; it costs 100 million ringgit”.

The customer was startled at the price, “Why” he asked.

Doctor: “Because it can store a lot of things!”

 

One day, in the plane … a flight to London on AIR INDIA, there was this Indian man and a British man; they were seated beside each other, so while on the flight … the air stewardess started serving food but the Indian man, he brought his own food. He took out his own food … thosai, rice, chicken curry and mutton curry. The British man asked him “What is that?”, the Indian man replied “This is Food India”. Then the stewardess started serving drinks … the Indian man took out his bottle of lassi and started gulping it down, then the British man was curious and asked “What is that”. The Indian man replied and said “This is Water India”. So, after a few minutes everyone in the plane was relaxed … the British man was sleeping and the Indian man was reading his newspaper. Suddenly the Indian man farted … the British man was startled and he woke up and he asked the Indian man “what was that!?”. The Indian man replied and said “That is Air India!”

 

Ahmad, Kumar and Ah Beng were walking along a street when they suddenly spotted a mysterious object on the floor. They drew closer to the object and Ahmad remarked, “Looks like shit lah!”. Then Kumar took a sniff at the object and said, “Smells like shit also”. Ah Beng then poked his finger in the object and puts it in his mouth. He said, “Confirmed … it’s shit! Phew … luckily we never stepped on it!!!”.

 

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration in the year 2022. Here are some of their conversation:

Chinese Delegate: “In 2022, China will be quite advanced in their moon exploration project”.

Russian Delegate: “We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step foot on the moon”.

Joe Biden: “We, the United States will also explore the moon for the second time”.

Malaysian Delegate: “In 2022, Malaysia will explore the sun”.

There was a long silence, Joe Biden stood up and asked the Malaysian Delegate: “Isn’t it too hot to explore the sun”.

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): “I had this thought out already. We will do it at night!”

 

One night, three thieves broke into a house. Upon entering, they broke up and went searching around the house for valuables. Unfortunately, the owner heard their footsteps and came down to check, he saw the three thieves and gave them a chase. The three thieves ran until they reached an alley and so thought it would be a good place to hide. The first thief found a sack of ‘pedigree’ dog food and so he hid inside the sack of dog food, the second thief found a sack of ‘whiskers’ cat food and so he hid inside the sack of cat food, the third thief was searching frantically for somewhere to hide when he spotted a sack of buffalo meat so without much hesitation, he hid inside.

When the owner finally reached the alley, he noticed some movement in those sacks. slowly, he came closer to the sack of pedigree and gave it a slight nudge. “Woff, Woff!!” imitated the thief. So, the owner thought it was just a hungry dog. Then he came closer to the sack of whiskers and gave it a slight nudge. “Miao ~ !!” imitated the thief. So, the man thought it was just a hungry cat. Lastly, he went to the sack of buffalo meat and gave it a slight nudge. “Woi !! Jangan kacau lah !!!” intimated the thief!

A tourist couple from England was driving through Penang Island.

As they approached Air Itam, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the place.

They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.

At the counter, the husband asked the waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?

Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”

She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing!”

 

In a public-school cafeteria, the caretaker places a note in front of a pile of apples, “Only take one. God is watching.”

Further down the line is a pile of cookies.

A little boy makes his own note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples!”

 

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch.

The other watches your snatch!

 

Three dead men go to hell at the same time. There is a Malay man, a Chinese man, and an Indian man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can’t do what they ask. The Malay man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes into hell. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into hell. The Indian man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Satan from which hole the fart came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Indian man turns around, points at his butt hole, and says, “Nope, this one!”

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my