SATURDAY JOKES - 188

 

Sunset view at D'Bendang Yan, Kedah, Malaysia yesterday evening.

It was graduation night at Kajang High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Sham is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."

As of now, Sham is the starting right-back for the School's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Sham another chance, give Sham another chance!"
Cikgu Abdullah and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Sham another chance. Sham is told that he will be given a "Single Question" mathematics test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Sham thinks for about 10 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"
There was complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Kajang High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Sham one more chance. Give Sham one more chance!"

What’s red and bad for your teeth? 

A brick!

 

I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers.
One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last.
She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the years . . .

"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. 

When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance!"

 

I was on the subway the other day, and the guy next to me was crying over a book. He was actually crying.

So, I leaned over - I said, you don't know how to read, either?

 

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"

The other partner replied, "What are you worried about? We're both here."

 

NED: Hear about my rich friend, Herb?
ED: No…
NED: He's a cilantropist!

 

I visited my friend at his new house. 

He told me to make myself at home. 

So, I threw him out. 

I hate having visitors!

 

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.
The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep, he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom of the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell into water and drowned!

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Woman passes out as childhood fear of getting stuck in a lift comes true [WATCH]

KUALA LUMPUR: A woman who has had a fear of lifts since childhood had to endure just that recently as she was stuck on the second floor of her apartment building for what must have seen to be ages.

TikTok user @thepocahontas shared her harrowing ordeal in a three-minute and 28-second video.

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"Has anyone ever been stuck in a lift? Recently, I experienced the scariest moment ever for a person who has had a fear of lifts since little. "I took the lift as usual and suddenly it got stuck at Level 2. I was shaking and panicked. The first thing I did was to call my parents and then the Fire and Rescue Department.

"The phone line was on-off (spotty). In my head, I started to think about the worst. I was afraid that the lift platform would fall. I already 'mengucap (recited the syahadah)' and placed my handbag on my head, in case of anything.

"After almost an hour, I passed out and was (later) taken to the clinic due to lack of oxygen while in the lift. Alhamdulillah, I returned home later and was fine.

"Anxiety attack. Before this, I refused to believe I had anxiety. But I know, I have it, because my hands always shake whenever I'm afraid," she wrote in her caption. Checks on the comment section saw netizens giving some suggestions if a similar situation happens.

User @indahhbalqis wrote: "I know we can't help but to panic (in such a situation). But it's important to remain calm and avoid shouting to conserve your energy and oxygen. "Also press the emergency button for as long as you can until someone's on the intercom. A loud alarm will also ring alongside. I hope this helps since it has helped me before."

Another user @soya0816 wrote: "If there's no handrail, lie on the floor of the elevator on your back and protect your head and face with your arms. "Spreading out on the ground will help minimise the impact force on any one part of your body." - NST

10-year passports make sense, say stakeholders

 

PETALING JAYA: Having Malaysian passports with a 10-year validity period would align with many other Asean countries, say tourism and business stakeholders.

Inbound Tourism Alliance chairman Uzaidi Udanis said increasing the validity period would be good for the Immigration Department as it would reduce crowding at counters for renewals.

“We need to be in line with other countries if we want more visitors to our country.

“This will encourage more people to travel outside.

“When they travel more to other countries, this will lead to an increase in Malaysia-bound flights.

“With more inbound travel, accessibility and tourist arrivals can be improved to spur our tourism market while contributing to the economy,” he said.

Uzaidi said this in response to a recent suggestion from Immigration Services Union of Peninsular Malaysia president Ajeet Singh that passports be made valid for up to 10 years, while maintaining the five-year period as an option.

He said this would reduce congestion at the department while ensuring the welfare of officers, who are often forced to work seven days a week without a break.

The Malaysian Association of Tour and Travel Agents deputy president Sheikh Awadh Sheikh Abdullah said a 10-year validity period would have a positive impact.

“I think there are more than 100 countries that have implemented this, so this proposal is something that can be considered,” he said.

He added that the charge for a five-year passport can be retained, while those opting for a 10-year passport can be charged more.

“Sometimes, when you renew via the embassies, it takes much longer, so having a longer expiration date would be beneficial,” he said.

Sheikh Awadh also said a longer lifespan for passports would mean less hassle.

For business folks, the extended period would create greater peace of mind, said SME Association of Malaysia president Ding Hong Sing.

“Sometimes, we have to leave urgently for business purposes and find ourselves in a pickle because our passport has expired.

“So having a 10-year validity period is a good move.

“With Malaysia going digital, this suggestion can be easily implemented. We must be aligned with other countries,” he added.

On May 16, Home Minister Datuk Seri Saifuddin Nasution Ismail said immigration offices in Kajang, Kelana Jaya and Wangsa Maju will only accept online passport applications and renewals from June 1.

This was to reduce congestion and waiting times.

At present, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, Vietnam and Cambodia have 10-year passports.

The Malaysian passport is valid for five years and requires renewal at least six months before expiration. - Star

Imigresen serbu perkampungan setinggan Pati

 

Timbalan Ketua Pengarah (Operasi) Imigresen Jafri Embok Taha, berkata serbuan terhadap perkampungan itu susulan aduan awam. (Gambar Bernama)

KUALA LUMPUR: Imigresen menahan 69 pendatang tanpa izin (Pati) dalam operasi penguatkuasaan di sebuah perkampungan setinggan di Kampung Pantai Dalam, awal hari ini.

Timbalan Ketua Pengarah (Operasi) Jafri Embok Taha, berkata mereka antara 110 warga asing yang diperiksa dalam serbuan bermula 1.30 pagi dengan disertai 111 anggota serta dibantu masing-masing empat anggota Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara dan Angkatan Pertahanan Awam.

Beliau berkata, semua individu itu berumur dua hingga 70 tahun, terdiri daripada 45 lelaki, 23 wanita serta seorang kanak-kanak lelaki.

Serbuan itu, katanya dijalankan hasil daripada risikan selama seminggu selepas menerima aduan awam mengenai keberadaan warga asing yang menghuni kawasan itu.

“Antara kesalahan disyaki dilakukan mereka ialah tinggal lebih masa, tidak mempunyai dokumen dan permit perjalanan yang sah serta lain-lain kesalahan di bawah Akta Imigresen 1959/63, Akta Pasport 1966 dan Peraturan-Peraturan Imigresen 1963.

“Pihak imigresen juga mengeluarkan satu saman kepada seorang lelaki warga tempatan yang menetap di kawasan perkampungan itu dipercayai melindungi Pati dengan membenarkan mereka tinggal di rumahnya,” katanya kepada pemberita.

Jafri Embok berkata, semua yang ditahan dibawa ke Depot Tahanan Imigresen Bukit Jalil untuk siasatan lanjut.

Sementara itu, seorang Pati yang ditahan dalam operasi itu memaklumkan dia memasuki negara ini menggunakan pas lawatan sosial, namun telah tinggal lebih masa hingga bernikah dan mempunyai seorang anak lelaki berusia dua tahun.

Wanita warga Indonesia berusia 26 tahun itu, berkata dia masuk ke negara ini pada 2018 dengan niat mahu mencari pekerjaan selain didorong bapanya yang turut menetap di negara ini serta telah mendapat taraf pemastautin tetap.

“Arwah bapa yang nikahkan kami. Suami dan anak saya juga telah ditahan malam ini. Sepanjang tempoh lima tahun di sini, saya tidak pernah menghadapi situasi diperiksa seperti malam ini.

“Saya ambil keputusan untuk mencari rezeki di Malaysia kerana nak sara keluarga yang miskin di Madura, Indonesia,” katanya yang menyewa bilik pada harga RM400 sebulan di kampung itu hasil bekerja sebagai tukang cuci dengan bayaran RM1,500 sebulan. - FMT

Give equal funding to end anti-hopping law woes, says analyst

 

Opposition MPs Iskandar Dzulkarnain Abdul Khalid, Suhaili Abdul Rahman, Azizi Abu Naim, Zahari Kechik and Syed Abu Hussin Hafiz Syed Abdul Fasal declared support for Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim recently.

PETALING JAYA: All MPs should be given the same allocation of development funds to deter them from exploiting a loophole in the anti-hopping law to switch loyalties, a political scientist said.

Wong Chin Huat of Sunway University said Article 49A of the Federal Constitution -the provision enacted to curb rampant political defections – only favours the government, not the opposition.

However, the loophole cannot be plugged by tightening the law, he said.

Three weeks ago, Bersatu president Muhyiddin Yassin called for a review of the anti-hopping law after four MPs from his party declared support for Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim’s government.

Despite their shift in allegiance, Iskandar Dzulkarnain Abdul Khalid (Kuala Kangsar), Suhaili Abdul Rahman (Labuan), Azizi Abu Naim (Gua Musang) and Zahari Kechik (Jeli) insisted they would not resign from Bersatu, thus avoiding a by-election in their constituencies.

They have since been joined by Bukit Gantang MP Syed Abu Hussin Hafiz Syed Abdul Fasal, who declared support for Anwar on Tuesday.

Bersatu had opposed a clause in the original draft of the anti-hopping bill which would have declared a seat vacant if an MP went against his own party’s stance. The provision was eventually removed from the bill tabled and passed by Parliament.

Wong said the problem could be addressed by amendments which will make voters vote for a party of their choice rather than individual candidates. This would allow a party to replace MPs without triggering a by-election.

Constitutional lawyer Bastian Pius Vendargon said the reality on the ground is that voters tend to vote along party lines.

“If I’m a voter, I’m supporting the policies that the party says it stands for.

“If the MP that I put into office because of that reason then runs to another party or supports another party, then he is supporting policies which I would never have wanted to support. I would never have voted for him,” he said.

Vendargon said these MPs should vacate the seats to make way for a by-election.

He said that while the current anti-hopping law had succeeded in addressing political instability ahead of the 15th general election, its benefits were felt only in the short term.

Vendargon said the provision should be reviewed to ensure that they are equally effective over the longer term.

Lawyer Fahri Azzat said the real solution lies in a shift to a more “values-driven” political culture.

“It has to happen politically. It cannot happen within the law because what you’re asking the law to do is to police ethics,” he said.

Fahri said forcing MPs to resign for deviating from party lines would transform party leaders into “dictators” and reduce the likelihood of meaningful debate in the Dewan Rakyat. - FMT

Kemaman electorate to cast their ballots today

KEMAMAN POLLS | A total of 141,382 registered voters will cast their ballots today to elect a new representative for the Kemaman parliamentary constituency.

A total of 49 polling stations with 244 streams will open from 8am to 6pm, before the vote tallying process takes place at Dewan Berlian of the Kemaman Municipal Council in Chukai.

Election Commission chairperson Abdul Ghani Salleh expects a turnout of up to 70 percent for the by-election, but it would also depend on the weather condition, as it is forecast to rain all day long.

There are a total of 141,790 eligible voters in the constituency including 387 police personnel, six military personnel and three of their spouses as well as 12 overseas voters.

All police and military personnel eligible to vote early have fulfilled their responsibility through postal ballots while three spouses of military personnel voted early at the Kijal police station on Nov 28.

Election Commission chairperson Abdul Ghani Salleh

The by-election sees a one-on-one clash between BN candidate Raja Mohamed Affandi Raja Mohamed Noor and Terengganu Menteri Besar Ahmad Samsuri Mokhtar representing PAS.

It is being held following the decision of the Terengganu Election Court on Sept 26, which annulled the victory of PAS candidate Che Alias Hamid in the 15th general election.

The Kemaman by-election is the sixth by-election following GE15 on Nov 19 last year, with the first one being the Kuala Terengganu (parliamentary seat) on Aug 12, followed by the Pulai (parliamentary seat) and Simpang Jeram (state seat) on Sept 9; Pelangai (state seat) on Oct 7; and Jepak (parliamentary seat) on Nov 4.

- Bernama

Task force suggests affected house buyers get benefits from special fund

 

The Task Force on Sick and Abandoned Private Housing Projects (TFST) suggests that sick and delayed projects under government or state local authority housing programmes be given benefits from the RM1 billion Special Guarantee Fund allocated in Budget 2024.

Deputy Minister of Local Government Development Akmal Nasrullah Mohd Nasir, who is also the TFST chairperson, said the task force took the position that during the period when developers were completing housing projects, the welfare of buyers who became victims of problematic housing projects must be taken care of.

He said the Local Government Development Ministry, through the TFST secretariat which is the National Housing Department, will work with the Finance Ministry to examine and refine the criteria to identify the suitability and needs in determining housing projects.

This is so that the allocations given can be used optimally in the rehabilitation of private housing projects to protect the interests of buyers.

Akmal (above) said in a statement yesterday that 50 sick and abandoned private housing projects with 4,986 housing units have been revived in October 2023, a record high in the 10 months since TFST was established in January.

He said this brought the number of revived private housing projects to 351, which involved 43,738 housing units with a Gross Development Value (GDV) of RM32.87 billion.

He said TFST had recorded 55 delayed projects, 497 sick projects and 117 confirmed private housing projects until October 2023 with a GDV of RM74.92 billion.

- Bernama