A young man asked an old rich man how he made his
money.
The
old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was way
back in 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I
invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple
and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The
next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day
polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for
a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of RM 1.37."
"Then
my wife's father died and left us two million ringgit."
A young
businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had
it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer
office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and
started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He
threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and
asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The
man said, ""Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
Once there
was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in
back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was
single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he
announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I
will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across
this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As
soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!!
There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of
fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for
his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some
minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He
said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be
done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the
one million dollars?"
The
guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I
want the person who pushed me in that water!"
As soon as
the dentist asked the patient to sit down, he pulled out his wallet. Seeing
this the dentist said, "Please don't, you don't need to pay me now."
The
patient answered: "Pay you! I just want to count my money before I'm
unconscious!"
A local
business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP
WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A
short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went
inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to
the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting
the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at
the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked
determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the
chair and stared at the manager.
The
manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to
type."
The
dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect
letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to
him, then jumped back on the chair.
The
manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be
good with a computer."
The
dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to
demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet
and database and presented them to the manager.
By
this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said,
"I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting
abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part
about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The
manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The
dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
Three
guys died and when they got to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter met them there. St.
Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before
I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in
Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will depend on your
answer."
The
first guy walks up and Peter asks him, "How long were you married?"
The
first guy says, "24 years."
"Did
you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy said, "Yeah, 7
times...but you said I was forgiven."
Peter
said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive."
The
second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter.
The
second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but
that was our first year and we really worked it out good."
Peter
said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln."
The
third guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I
was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my
wife like a queen!"
Peter
said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"
A
few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with
the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked the guy with the
Jaguar what was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a
skateboard!"
Who says cops don't have a sense of humour?
The following were taken off from some actual police car videos around the
country.
"Relax,
the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear
them awhile.
"Take
your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document."
"If
you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can
you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the
average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So,
you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything
I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes,
Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh
... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning!
You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you
another ticket."
"The
answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was
Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair?
You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides,
eat cotton candy, and step on monkey poop."
"Yeah,
we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Just
how big were those two beers?"
"No
sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm
glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least
you know someone who can post your bail."
"You
didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.
.jpg "Penang Chief Minister Chow Kon Yeow said he had just attended an Emergency conference with the National Security Council chaired by Prime Minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin this morning and that the meeting made it clear the incumbents in their respective state governments are not in jeopardy. — Picture by Sayuti Zainudin")
