SATURDAY JOKES - 67

 

A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at the hair saloon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist should not take off her headphones.
The stylist replied "no" so the blonde left. She went to a different hair saloon and said the same thing. The stylist replied "fine".
After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair. The stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. 

Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones, it was saying, "breath in, breath out"

Do you know your ABCs? 

Because I am going to give you the fourth letter of the alphabet.

I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. 

I’ll have it my way and you’ll be lovin’ it.

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home. “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”

What does one volcano say to the other?
“I lava you!”

Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up!

How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning!

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman: "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try," he says.
So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says: "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What happened?" asks the priest.
"You gave birth to a child!"
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About 15 years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says: "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says: "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies: "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."

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