New threat to Muslims - memo to Yang Amat Alim

Most Private Memo
To:

Yang amat alim Datuk Dr H.A.,

Assalamu alaikum Datuk.

May I humbly draw your respectable notice toThe Malaysian Insider’s news article titledMalay unity key to national unity, says Najib.

It reported our beloved prime minister Datuk Najib Tun Razak officiating at a gathering of our beloved nation’s third line of defence, the Seni Silat Pusaka Gayong Malaysia.

I was thrilled when he told members of the Seni Silat Pusaka Gayong Malaysia that “A silat association truly reflects Malay unity and its struggles. Its spirit of togetherness and brotherhood must be adopted by all.”

He was fantastically brave, and in defiance of the political correctness mafia, to state that “If we are to achieve national unity, the main key to it is unity among the Malays. Therefore, it is important for the race to remain united.”

I support wonderful Malay Unity which [nudge nudge, wink wink] you have strongly supported, and of course which Ridhuan and I support you. By the way, I am related to Doctor Ridhuan, my 32nd cousin seventeen times removed, who has never tire of reminding me he is a Malay, an insistence which I naturally and strongly support, but I will stop this digression here as that is not the reason why I am writing to you.

My dear dear Datuk, yang amat alim, I have been totally SHOCKED, yes Datuk, utterly SHOCKED when the Seni Silat Pusaka Gayong, our so-called third line of patriotic defence, awarded Datuk Perdana Menteri with the honourable title of ‘Sri Tri Buana Gangga Simanjakani Chula Sakti’ and as if that was not bad enough, then awarded our First Lady, Datin Rosmah Mansor, the title of ‘Sri Pelangi Srikandi Utama’.

Datuk, you have been right all along that there are insidious forces seeking to subversively proselytize Malaysian Muslims, except that it has not been the Christians who are the culprits.

If you would re-read the titles awarded to our beloved Prime Minister and his beautiful First Lady, you will notice something terrible, because a quick casual glance may not be obvious as to the insidiousness of their awards, which they thought they could get away with, except only for Dodgy Dimsum’s hawk eyes; it is alright, my dear Datuk, there is no need to thank me as I am only doing my patriotic duty as well as for the interests of my 32nd cousin seventeen times removed, Ridhuan.

Datuk, you would note that those awards - Oh shades of Majapahit (or is it Sri Vijaya?) - reek of Hinduism, and very conservative old world Hinduism at that too, given those ominous Sanskrit titles. As you would be personally aware, being a former PAS member, your former party as the state government in Kelantan has banned the Makyong and wayang kulit for their insidious influence of Hindu culture and thus Hinduism.

And we know that the most dominant sect or denomination of Hinduism in South East Asia, and in fact the most ancient in the world, is Shaivism, with its worship of Shiva as the Supreme Being.

We have also learned that Shiva is associated with the Sun. So your concerns about solar powered Bibles were partially correct, at least in the ‘solar powered’ component.

But it is not solar powered Bible that represents a threat to Muslims but solar powered Vedas, the holy book of Shaivism.

I wonder whether we should report this most un-Islamic subversion to your colleague the Perak Mufti? As he likes SMS-ing which he once used to summon the faithful to stop a church proselytizing Muslims (except alas, there was no proselytizing, a false alarm so to speak - so he blamed a woman for it which should be the way for we men, that is, blame women), it may not be incorrect to alert him via that medium on the discovered proselytizing threat of Hindu missionaries. And it is really scary they have infiltrated our patriotic third line of defence.

Insha allah, we shall overcome this new threat, and if it takes a wee while to do so, look at the bright side as it will provide you and Harussani new material and plenty of time tofrightenalert Malaysian Muslims to the threat. We can always return to your old foe, the Christians much later – treat them as a convenient standby threat for you to fall back upon.

I am, Datuk yang amat alim,
your most respectful and obedient servant,
[related to my 32nd cousin seventeen times removed, Ridhuan who has never tire of reminding me he is a Malay]
Dodgee Dimsum
The Yum-Cha Chronicles:
(1) Apology - A letter to the minister
(2) Bloggers - A letter to the ministry
(3) Drama queens & kings wanted
(4) May 13 Book - a letter to the minister
(5) Appreciation - a letter to the minister
(6) Goblok to Golek - a letter to the minister
(7) MGR-ish makeover - a letter to a minister
(8) Bahasa Mělayu - a letter to Yang Běrhormat
(9) 'Convincibility' - A letter to Yang Amat Berhormat
(10) Political defections - a letter to a future PM
(11) Healing the nation's wounds - a letter to the PM
(12) Dodgee Dimsum's Statutory Declaration(13) Mandore-ism - A letter to Aneh