In Sex and Politics, choose with GREAT care

An amusing article in Malaysia Chronicle caught my attention. It says that PAS has no objection to its elected representatives having more than one wife as long as they are capable of meeting all the requirements for polygamy, PAS spiritual leader Nik Aziz Nik Mat said.

"We cannot stop them (PAS elected representatives) from getting married and having up to four wives, that's their personal issues and it does not contravene Islamic teachings as long as they are adhering to the regulations."

When asked whether the scenario would affect the elected representatives' political career, Nik Aziz said, "That's their problem."

PAS, a political party highly regarded for its puritanical beliefs, sees it fit for Muslims to practise polygamy. Polygamy is however not new, and has been around for quite some time.

Only a very small percentage of Muslims in this country practise polygamy for reasons best known to themselves. The idea of having up to 4 wives may sound like a wet dream to many, but it is really not so. Images of young, nubile virgins first come to mind, but again, this is not always the case.

Is too much sex good?

Too much sex is hardly good for health. Heard about the man who was 'raped to death' by his five wives? Scroll below for the story then.

Sad to say, sex usually ceases to be exciting after one gets married. And the nightmare grows when there is more than one wife. Other than working like a dog during the day to support the extended family, a man's ‘little brother’ has got to work all night as well. After a while, you might wish you could divorce all of the wives, shave your head and become a monk!

That won’t work too, because divorces are also expensive affairs. A deputy Minister had to cough up nearly RM10.1 million to settle a divorce case, while a son of Sarawak Chief Minister Mahmud Taib is embroiled in a RM400 million divorce settlement.

So unless, you can afford the time, money and energy, polygamy may turn out to be a nightmare instead of the bliss you thought you were going to get. Imagine having 4 wives nagging at you all at once! And old P. Ramlee comedy also mocks at the idea of having 4 wives.

Responsibility after the fun

Marital coitus also causes children to be born, and in today’s world, it is not cheap to rear a child, let alone 12 children which is easy if each wife bears you the 'standard' three offspring.

Before he can catch his breath, a polygamist would be wondering how 40 years of his life managed to fly by in a flash, leaving him little time to enjoy and savor this world.

But not only Muslims practise polygamy. Non Muslims too have more than one wife at a time, although it is not legal in this country and they would have to hide it from their spouses. Usually they get found out after and there will be hell to pay. Worse is when the truth emerges only after he has died - perhaps of a sudden heart attack - and both his families fight for his inheritance. At least, he is not there to suffer being mauled left and right by two angry women!

Some men prefer to keep mistresses and call when they feel lonely or when the itch refuses to go away. But having mistresses is also not cheap. You have to send them flowers on Valentine’s day, expensive chocolates and gifts like a new car, a diamond ring or air tickets for an overseas rendezvous. Meanwhile, back at 'headquarters', the men will have to find all sorts of reasons to convince their wives why the sudden overseas or outstation trip is all-important.

Pin-hole terror!

Even the choice of hotels for the sexual misadventures is a concern. Go only to the reputable 5-star hotels and not the sleazy ones that may have pin-hole cameras installed to catch your oral and carnal actions. Kinda remind me of one Chinese Minister in Johor who was caught literally with his pants down.

Then there is the ‘one night stand’ which is overall very popular. Just go to a bar or a pub dressed in your finest, and act sexy with ready prepared pick-up lines. If she’s interested, go along with her and sing praises about her sexy lips and beautiful eyes.

The only important tip is; don’t get personal by asking for her hand phone number. After the one-night stand, she may never want to see you again and will deny that both of you had ever met. Remember, it is only a one-night stand, so don’t get sentimental.

The second tip is; beware of Moral Squads lurking around and try not to go to beach hotels in Port Dickson. Kinda remind me of the Prime Minister and a sultry star.

Spoilt for choice

Kuala Lumpur has some interesting nightclubs and discos, with plenty of dazzling Guest Relations Officers that come in all shapes and sizes. From blondes to brunettes, China dolls and Vietnam Rose that are ever ready to make your dreams come true. Just ensure you have enough cash to tip them afterwards. Credit cards are also accepted.

However pinching the bottoms of these GROs is not encouraged unless you are assured of an overseas assignment if trouble brews.

And there are also many gay bars and lesbian pubs that cater to unisex clients. Some of the transsexuals with knockers for tits are just too gorgeous to be passed up. Of if you prefer the straight hunks with rippling muscles from top to bottom that remind you of Hulk Hogan dressed in body tight singlets.

Women too can have their share of thrills as long as they are not too choosy about the slick-haired tight-pants gigolos available in the market or the sporty short-haired lesbians hanging around town if that is their preference.

With such a wide choice, why would anyone want to practise polygamy?

What happened to love?

Actually, polygamy goes against the idea that couples will fall magically in love and be romantically involved.

Most people, whether Muslims or Non Muslims still believe in the old adage of being madly in love, romance, courtship, marriage, children, grandchildren, sharing and going through life’s journey together hand-in-hand until death do they part.

Who doesn't want to live happily ever after just like in a fairy tale. Wouldn’t that be the perfect story ending for us all?

So don’t envy the Malays and Muslims for being allowed to marry four wives as those may the the only four women the Muslim husband ever gets to sleep with. Instead reflect on how best we can live our lives, caring for our loved ones and building a future for ourselves and our families.

Politics

Last but not least. Choosing a government is like choosing a life partner. If you get a government that is only interested to give you a quick orgasm but later make your life a living hell, then you may be forced to get yourself a mistress.

But if you choose carefully, you may get to enjoy a life-long partnership and look forward to a bright future with toll-free highways, cheaper cars and cheaper petrol, cheaper electricity and water, government-aided education, more personal freedoms and caring leaders who can make your life a living heaven.

If after all that, it still itches, don’t scratch too much!