SATURDAY JOKE - 3

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?" 
Student: "HIJKLMNO." 
Teacher: "What are you talking about?" 
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

Bob: "Holy crap, I just fell off a 50 ft ladder."
Jim: "Oh my God, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands on, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually, his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!"

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
Nobody stood up
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
Little Johnny stood up
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" 
Little Johnny: "No... I just feel bad that you're standing up alone..."

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you should take that monkey to the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that monkey to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? 
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Q: How do trees access the internet? 
A: They log in.

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on, in order for him to fall on to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites the neck which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck." The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?" The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It-it's - IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

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