What's in a name?

What’s in a name? Nothing much by the looks of it in the case of Bersatu.

United together as one? What a misnomer. They should be named "Berdua" or "Bersatu-Bersatu".

And will be so for some time until the party has its elections, and one camp can decimate the other… or not.

Like the recent naval skirmish within the ranks of Bersatu Youth’s Armada. After a meeting of youth exco members and state leaders, the admiralty announced that the fleet would stay loyal to Harapan, the decision endorsed "by more than two-thirds of the members, while the rest abstained and none opposed".

Within a day there was mutiny in the ranks, with a claim that 143 party divisions, out of 191 in the fleet, had nailed their colours to the mast of the party’s supreme council, and would remain tied to the government unless ordered otherwise.

The was followed soon after by youth leaders saying they were not consulted and did not give approval for their colours to be nailed to the mast of PN. More sabre-rattling with a lot of sound and fury... signifying nothing.

The juvenile spat did give me a good laugh.

Responding to the first claim that Armada was anchored in the harbour of Dr Mahathir Mohamad, Umno Youth chief Asyraf Wajdi Dusuki (photo) said in a statement: "The people will be the best judge in evaluating and punishing those who so lightly toy with the people's mandate simply due to their greed and craving for power at a time when the people are struggling with the Covid-19 pandemic."

Say what?

There is a true politician who can sanctimoniously say the above, straight-faced, and too blur to realise it is confessional, not accusatory.

The unavoidable drawing of lines will be on May 18 when Parliament meets.

De facto Parliament and Law Minister Takiyuddin Hassan has indicated that there will be an MCO (Mahathir control order) on Mahathir's motion of no confidence in the prime minister - only government matters would be prioritised during the one-day sitting.

Looks like, on May 18, the only motion passed will be outside the august chamber, the toilets are down the corridor, turn left, thank you.

He said outstanding matters would be brought forward to the next sitting on July 13. Buy another two months.

In the meantime, without a vote of no-confidence, there will be an intense focus on who is sitting where and with whom, the picture clouding a bit with a few “independents” (if there is ever such a creature in Malaysian politics).

That means another spike in the political horse-trading market, the one sector of the Malaysian economy that always offers good returns and attracts much interest. Owners with horses that will fly over hedges or jump through flaming hoops… if the prize-money is agreeable. Lame, old war-horses neighing ready for one more campaign, when they should be pastured in riding clubs carrying kids in slow circles.

By all accounts, Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin has dampened the sparks between his party and Umno in Johor… for the moment. In peat soil, embers can lie low for a sly while before flaring up again.

What was the unhappiness over? Who got to stick his snout into the public trough and who was being denied feed.

That’s one weight that hasn’t been lowered in this viral lockdown – the government and its many dependents.

I have lost weight in the lockdown, not that I was fat before that. My hips now hold up my shorts and stop me from exposing myself.

My wife says my flabby belly has disappeared. (Poor dear, I refrain from mentioning her failing eye-sight, she’s sensitive about age. What belly? I have been lean and mean for ages.)

Not just physically in us but also the financial fat of our land. The flow from Petronas will not be a gusher. The bills are still coming in – small businesses hanging on, hoping for an upturn, fearing shuttering in a month or two, restaurants and hotels closing.

But the government hasn’t lost weight.

Muhyiddin’s cabinet is a bloated, blubbery whale. If there is ever a million ringgit trivia show, the deciding question for the winner should be to name the dozens of ministries and their ministers.

Then there is the civil service. Cuepacs is always quick to defend its numbers whenever anyone suggests some of the flab can be trimmed. Civil servants pay taxes too, it says. What has that to do with the price of fish?

I have re-jigged a classic question as a mental exercise for lockdown dulled minds: How many Malaysian civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?

I must note there has been some trimming. The months-old Consultative Council for People’s Harmony has been dissolved.

Here we go again. The National Unity Ministry is re-organising itself, which means get rid of the previous government’s taint, many meetings, picking and putting your people in place, then launching another glorious body and initiative that will unite all races as one, but actually doing little to narrow anti-racial/social distancing.

What is it they say about someone who keeps repeating an experiment because the results do not match his expectations? The fact that the government thinks we still need such a ministry after six decades says it all about the governments we have had.

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THOR KAH HOONG is a veteran journalist. - Mkini