Just another day in Malaysia

And so the long-running Malaysian political soap-opera rolls on, with plot-twists and more cliff-hangers.

Last week’s episodes had a curtain-raiser with Senior Minister Azmin Ali (above) telling a press conference: “We should not be dragged into another political crisis and made victims just because someone is crazy for power and wants to be prime minister.”

Say what? The words would only have weight and meaning if they were an apologetic confession of mea culpa in the recent past. I bet he said it straight-faced without wincing.

Followed by a slight, light relief with Bersatu supreme council member Wan Saiful Wan Jan, in the vein of Mak Kiah, story-telling and domesticating the expulsion/exclusion of Dr Mahathir Mohamad from the party.

The party/family did not kick out the prodigal father. He left on his own steam.

“Instead, the person’s action has automatically caused him to be outside of the house. This is what has happened in this case,” said Wan Saiful.

Aww, Mahathir out on the streets, politically homeless and destitute, sleeping on flattened cartons in the corridors of power… except that he showed up in his office at Bersatu headquarters, awaiting eviction, and nobody showed up to beard the lion in his den. On that day the spirit of the brave, intrepid Malay warrior was nowhere to be seen.

What if Mahathir were to decide to work from his Bersatu office again? A couple of security personnel, reluctantly obeying the command of keeping their jobs, denying access? Stiff upper lips on grim government faces while the incident has a field day on social media spread?

The ownership of the house will be engaging teams of lawyers and churning out reams of legal documents and demanding many hours of court time in the coming months.

Meanwhile, officers in the Registrar of Societies are warily circling the radioactive hot potato that’s landed in their midst, hoping their quandary of what decision is to be made as to who is what and who is not, who is in and who is out in Bersatu, will be decided by the courts or a command from up high that made it clear – execute the order or the axe will fall on a different head.

All this drama involving one of the smallest parties in the ruling coalition. One could say the narrative has taken a stylistic, tonal turn into satire, mixing the political insight of the “Yes Minister” series with the anarchic lunacy of Monty Python… except it’s for real and involves a twice-prime minister and the current prime minister.

With the ubiquitous Malaysian political prop since the 80s – video tapes of hotel room incidents and, as in recent days, audio tapes of “unidentified” voices speaking of enmity and potential purchases.

Why do people pay attention to the “revelations” of these tapes? Because they substantiate your assessment of the character? Because it is comforting to have confirmation that politicians are devious and cannot be trusted?

It just means they can turn around tomorrow and say the opposite, as has been amply demonstrated in recent times.

What do you expect of a politician? Consistency of stance? Get real.

It’s probably taught at boot camp for novice politicians: nose out the current power bases; hang around the fringe till you get noticed; always go with the flow of the Tao, ever ready to transfer allegiance; never settle for a free T-shirt and umbrella and the occasional nasi bungkus; jawatan and/or contract.

And look at the track record of tapes surfacing in the hope that a political career will go down in flames. Not clear. Blur. Cannot make out who that is. Don’t know who’s talking because no names crop up in the conversation. Accompanied by a vocal chorus even before the forensics have been done (or botched): fake, the video/tape is a fake, send overseas.

Meanwhile, another narrative thread is teased with the speculation that Anwar Ibrahim may count on the support of over 120 MPs when Parliament next sits.

Amanah deputy president Salahuddin Ayub coyly teases the possibility of Pakatan Harapan back in Putrajaya before the next Parliament sitting expected in July.

Really? I’ll believe it when I read the news. Probably just a passing fever of the brain, no lasting effect.

And if frogs did jump… would anybody be surprised? I would be surprised if nobody jumped before and after elections.

And all of them will be jumping on pious principles, when the principal problem is that frogs are unprincipled and should be exterminated… legislatively, I am a man of peace.

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THOR KAH HOONG is a veteran journalist. - Mkini