SUNDAY JOKES - 223

 

Tuaran Beach, Sabah, Malaysia.

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was making her rounds. She was visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.
Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm becoming Catholic."

I'm changing my name to "Everyday"...
Because that's what the people I owe money to, call me.

 

Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.
After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall, you are very healthy for a 45-year-old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese. I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years."
She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion".
"OK," he says, "you're bloody ugly as well!"

 

A man walked into a branch of the BBMB Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.
When she had forked over RM 7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

 

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of test in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."
"What happened to 'beautiful?'" she asked him.
"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

 

A blonde was with her husband shopping and she decided that they would shop in different parts of the mall.
They meet in the middle 2 hours later and she announces, "I just got kids."
The husband stares amazed, looking at the kids he says, "Those are 2 baby goats!"

 

If I get to Heaven and God is white, I'd be like, I knew it all along. Show me to the hood.

But if I get to Heaven and God is black, that's going to piss me off a little bit. I'd be like, is this not a bitch? You've been black all along? Have you not seen what the hell is going on down there?

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, do you want to hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still want to tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
‘No...not if I’m going to have to explain it five times...’

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