The time has come to restore adab among Malaysians

We must relearn the ethical discipline of conduct, customary norms, and refined sensitivity to bring social harmony back into our society.

From Asma Abdullah

Across Malaysian society today, there is a growing and troubling erosion of adab — the ethical discipline of conduct, speech, and emotional regulation that once formed the backbone of our social life.

This absence is visible in everyday spaces: on the roads where impatience and aggression replace courtesy; in the Dewan Rakyat where shouting and ridicule displace reasoned debate; in schools where bullying normalises cruelty; and even in public toilets where shared spaces are treated without care or responsibility.

These are not isolated behavioural lapses. They signal a deeper cultural and emotional breakdown — a weakening of habits that once taught Malaysians how to live respectfully with one another.

To address this decline, Malaysia must intentionally cultivate the habits of adab, adat, and halus, not as nostalgic ideals, but as essential emotional and civic competencies for social harmony. Restoring adab is central to rebuilding a mature, harmonious, and civilised Malaysian society.

Adab in daily life

Adab is not merely politeness; it is the ethical regulation of behaviour rooted in moral consciousness and cultural wisdom. Today, its erosion is evident across multiple domains of public life.

On Malaysian roads, disregard for traffic rules, aggressive driving, and the absence of courtesy reflect not only impatience but a lack of respect for shared space and human safety.

In the Dewan Rakyat, the nation’s highest decision-making institution, confrontational shouting and personal attacks undermine democratic dignity and model poor emotional behaviour for citizens.

In schools, bullying — verbal, physical, and digital — reveals a failure to teach children empathy, restraint, and respect. Even in something as basic as the use of public toilets, there is neglect and misuse, demonstrating a disregard for communal responsibility.

These behaviours reflect a society that increasingly prioritises individual impulse over collective wellbeing. What is lacking is not knowledge of rules, but the habit of ethical conduct — the internalisation of adab, adat (customary norms), and halus (refined sensitivity).

Importance for social harmony

A society cannot function on laws and enforcement alone. While rules regulate our behaviour externally, adab shapes us internally. Without adab, compliance becomes superficial and fragile, breaking down the moment authority is absent.

Adat provides shared social expectations — how to behave in public, how to treat elders, how to care for communal spaces. Halus refines these expectations through empathy, sensitivity, and emotional awareness. Together, they cultivate self-restraint, mutual respect, and social trust.

When these habits are absent there can be social friction, emotional volatility, and a breakdown of trust. When people shout and engage in name calling instead of listening, pushing instead of yielding, or destroying instead of maintaining, social harmony erodes.

In contrast, a society grounded in adab does not need constant policing; individuals regulate themselves out of conscience and care for others.

For Malaysia — a plural, multireligious, and multicultural nation — adab and halus are not optional virtues. They are essential tools for peaceful coexistence and mutual understanding. Without them, diversity becomes a source of conflict rather than strength.

Modeling adab

The responsibility for restoring adab does not rest on one group alone. Everyone is implicated, but leadership and institutions carry a heightened moral responsibility.

The first teachers of adab are parents and families. Children learn manners not through instruction alone, but through observation — how adults speak, argue, drive, and treat shared spaces. Schools must go beyond academic achievement to intentionally cultivate emotional discipline, empathy, and respect.

Secondly, public figures, especially politicians and community leaders, play a powerful symbolic role. When leaders shout, insult, or demean, they legitimise such behaviour across society.

Conversely, when leaders demonstrate restraint, humility, and respectful disagreement, they set a civilisational standard.

Thirdly, religious institutions, civil servants, media professionals, and educators must also embody adab in tone, conduct, and decision-making. Ultimately, adab is contagious — either positively or negatively — depending on who models it.

Cultivating habits of adab, adat, and halus

Restoring adab requires more than campaigns or slogans; it demands habit formation embedded in everyday life.

First, education must integrate emotional intelligence (the ability to recognise and manage emotions), ethical reasoning, and civic manners into formal and informal learning — not as punishment-based morality, but as character formation.

Second, public institutions must enforce standards of conduct consistently and visibly. Clean public spaces, disciplined parliamentary procedures, and respectful public communication signal that manners matter.

Third, communities should revive culturally resonant practices — greetings, mutual assistance, care for shared spaces — that reinforce adat and halus. These small acts accumulate into social norms.

Finally, individuals must practise daily self-reflection:

• How do I speak when frustrated?
• How do I behave when no one is watching?
• How do my actions affect others?

Adab begins within, but its impact is collective.

The decline of adab in Malaysian society is not a minor cultural inconvenience; it is a civilisational concern. Roads, schools, Dewan Rakyat, and public spaces reflect who we are becoming as a people. If we wish for harmony, trust, and dignity, we must intentionally cultivate the habits of adab, adat, and halus.

By understanding what is eroding, why it matters, who must carry responsibility, and how habits can be formed, Malaysia can reclaim its moral and emotional centre.

Social harmony is not achieved through force or fear, but through cultivated manners, disciplined emotions, and refined empathy. In relearning adab, Malaysians do not move backwards — we move towards a more mature, humane, and truly civilised future. - FMT

Asma Abdullah is an author, former educator, speaker and interculturalist.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.