The consistency of change

Today, I oppose everything I propagated back in the 1990s. Today, I believe in sexual freedom and your right to a gay lifestyle. Today, I believe in your right to atheism and your right to turn your back on religion. Today, I no longer believe in many things I used to believe in even as recent as when I first stated Malaysia Today back in 2004.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

‘The consistency of change’ is itself an oxymoron. It is like military intelligence. Since when is killing an intelligent thing? Or new politics! The ‘struggle’ between Cain and Abel was a political thing. Hence politics is so old how can there be such a thing as new politics when politics itself is about power that resulted in humankind’s first act of murder?

But that is what I want to call my piece today -- The consistency of change -- mainly because if you change then you would not be perceived as consistent. And that is what I want to talk about today, that I am consistent about change. And I want to talk about that issue because of the comments posted in Malaysia Today about how inconsistent I am for having changed since pre-2008.

You may have known me only since 2007, as most of you would have. If you had known me in 1963 when I first entered MCKK you would have known a different Raja Petra Kamarudin. In 1963 I was reserved and aloof. I never spoke much and remained very silent. I never mixed and did not have any friends. I eventually left MCKK three years later because I was so lonely and unhappy and could not fit in to the all-Malay environment. I cried like a baby and begged my father to allow me to go home.

I lived in a world of my own. I walked around with a radio in my hand and slept with my headphones long before such a thing became fashionable more than 20 years later. I surrounded myself with music from The Beatles and The Rolling Stones.

That was in 1963 and I was just 13 at that time. Then, three years later, I broke out of my shell and ‘ran’ with the bad boys of the Long Fu Tong of Petaling Street. I learned how to fight and carried a knife in my pocket. I even got arrested at 17 for my gang activities.

I was never charged for any crime, though, but that woke me up. I realised I did not want to spend the rest of my life in jail. I then started dating and went steady with the girl who is now my wife, Marina. Nevertheless, Marina had to share me with my other love, my motorcycle. Marina did not like motorcycles but she knew she had to accept my motorcycle as part of her life if she wanted to be with me. And soon after that she climbed onto the back of my motorcycle and we became the terror of Kuala Lumpur.

Then, in August 1971, my father died. I was just 20 going on 21 and the world that I had known shattered. Less than two years later Marina and I got married and soon after that we got our first child, a daughter. Within a short space of two years I saw the death of my father, got married, and got a child. And, yet again, my life changed. By then, of course, I had sold off the motorcycle that I loved so much and had ‘settled down’ to what I would consider a stable life.

Soon after our daughter was born, we migrated to Kuala Terengganu and started a business. That was during the 1974 recession and life was very difficult then. Three years later, I made my first million and, yet again, my life changed. I now had only one interest in life, which can be summed up in three words -- money, money, money. I just wanted to make more millions, and I did, though not necessarily the moral or legal way. I discovered the world of corruption and how you can make plenty of money by bribing your way through life.

But the euphoria of making money did not last. I suppose once you make it then it is not that enchanting any longer. I drank, I gambled, I partied -- and I made even more money by ‘donating’ large sums to Umno to win huge government contracts. At least five million flowed through my hands into Umno’s coffers in exchange for RM120 million in contracts over 20 years -- which I already wrote about in my 20-series episode about my journey in life not being a straight line.

Along the way I got infected with a serious case of conscience. That was in the days of Anwar Ibrahim and ABIM and the Islamic Revolution of Iran in 1979 -- which I have also written about in my 20-series episode. My drinking, gambling and partying ended abruptly. I studied the Qur’an, the entire collection of Hadith Sahih Al Bukhari and the whole series of Tafsiran Al Qur’an by Haji Abdul Malik Karim Amrullah a.k.a. Hamka, who died in 1981 at age 73.

In 1981 I did my first of ten trips to Mekah to do my Haj and became a Muslim fundamentalist in love with the Islamic Revolution. I wanted the same Islamic Revolution to happen in Malaysia and for Malaysia to be turned into the Islamic Republic of Malaysia. I wanted to see the end of Western-style democracy and the English Westminster system of Parliament and for the corrupt Monarchy to be abolished.

That journey did not last as well. I soon gave up business because I could not be a successful businessman in Malaysia without also indulging in corruption. But I did not find solace in the aspirations of the Islamic Revolution either. I began to see the Revolution not as the saviour of the people but the enemy of free will. I began to hold to the ideals of free will and could no longer accept the doctrine of enforcement.

Heaven and hell may exist. Maybe even God does exist. But you should have free will as to whether to accept the existence of God and, if you do, whether you wish to choose heaven or hell as your final resting place. Free will means free will and religion denies you this free will.

In 1995, if you had asked me whether I believed in the Islamic State and the Islamic Sharia law of Hudud, I would have said yes. Those of you who have read what I wrote back then would know this, especially those DAP people who used to whack me in Sang Kancil back in the mid-1990s.

Today, I oppose everything I propagated back in the 1990s. Today, I believe in sexual freedom and your right to a gay lifestyle. Today, I believe in your right to atheism and your right to turn your back on religion. Today, I no longer believe in many things I used to believe in even as recent as when I first stated Malaysia Today back in 2004.

So, yes, the Raja Petra Kamarudin of today is different from the Raja Petra Kamarudin of 2004 or of 1994 or of 1984 or of 1974 or of 1964. And if you can’t accept that then that is your problem, not mine.

So stop posting comments in Malaysia Today about how I have changed. I have changed. So what? I change all the time. I have changed many times. Change is the only thing consistent about me.

Change is called hijrah. In Islam, hijrah is the most important thing. Prophet Muhammad also did his hijrah.Hijrah is so important in Islam that the Islamic calendar is called the Hijrah calendar and starts from the date of the hijrah.

And hijrah means change. You hijrah from one lifestyle to another and from one doctrine to another. And youhijrah with your conscience as your guide. And my conscience is clear. My conscience guides me as to what is right and what is wrong. And I know what is right and what is wrong. And just because you want to do the wrong thing because you think it is the right thing does not make you right and me wrong.