Many Malaysians are still shell-shocked. Others are on a shiok-sendiri exercise – gloating over their latest discovery. They have been telling tall tales and some gullible people have fallen for it. The fake news industry is thriving.
In one up-market club, a lady in a striking, shocking-pink mini skirt and her entourage graciously accepted bottles of Cristal champagne – thanks to a chubby-cheeked fat guy who had deep pockets.
Elsewhere, people were putting on shocked faces because they learnt the shocking truth. Quite a number of people continue using “shock” emojis in their WhatsApp messages to express either their anger or their elation. Others were thumping their chests in a sense of deja vu because of this five-letter word.
The words “shock” and “shocked” are the new buzz words for the locals. Even the Numero Uno has used it and so have thousands of netizens in their social media posts.
A search on Google provides so many other synonyms that could be inter-changed, instead of repeating the same words over and over again.
So, here are a selection of such words and phrases and their usage in a sentence:
Surprised: “I was surprised to watch the exchange between the two warring parties when an application was made asking the judge to recuse himself.”
Amazed: “Those in the public gallery were amazed at the quantum of the bail and it took hours for the court staff to count the money.”
Speechless: “I was left speechless after all my bank accounts were frozen. I now live on the generosity of my friends who take me for my weekly dose of rojak at Jalan Bellamy.”
Astonished: “My wife, children and I were astonished when they rolled out the red carpet as we stepped into the yacht in the Mediterranean. It was fit for a queen and we were indeed treated like royalty.”
Astounded: “I was astounded when someone got hold of my WhatsApp messages with my counsel. They contained some incriminating stuff and nothing could be done about it.”
Thunderstruck: “I was thunderstruck by the RM24 million diamond ring on her finger. When asked for the source of the money, she said that she had been saving since her days in school.”
At a loss for words: “When you are caught with your fingers in the cookie jar or with your pants down, usually you will be at a loss of words.”
Aghast: “I was aghast when I was told that my son blew a few million in the casino in Las Vegas. The only consolation was that it was not his money and he was in the company of an Oscar-winning actor.”
Appalled: “I was appalled when I learnt that my wife’s hair dresser charges RM1,200 a pop. I told her to do it once a month and not for every public appearance.”
Dazed: “The man in the dock glared at the ceiling – dazed – as the wardens closed in on him to escort him to the waiting Black Maria.”
Devastated: “I was devastated when the plan failed. Despite the promises of “Making America Great Again” and purposely losing to him at golf, the Bozo refused to lift a finger.”
Dumb: “I was frozen dumb when I discovered that my aides had sung like canaries when questioned after their arrest. They divulged all my secret dealings with the Arab prince.”
Flabbergasted: “The police were flabbergasted when the words “American pies” appeared in seized documents. When they discovered that a pie is a code word for a million bucks, they hit the jackpot.”
Horrified: “The tenant in the apartment was horrified when she discovered that they had raided her refrigerator and left no chocolates for her infant son.”
Incredulous: “It is incredulous that people continue not to believe my innocence, unlike the folks from the village. Even my spin doctor who is now in Israel couldn’t change their perceptions when he was at my beck and call.”
Numb: “I became numb after seeing the figures on the taxman’s demand letter. They had gone through my income with a fine-toothed comb.”
Open-mouthed: “When the cops went to the apartment in town, the entire family was open-mouthed when they got news of the police carting away all those Birkin bags and designer watches.”
Poleaxed: “Observers were just stunned by the gaps in her answers and didn't appear as if she was thinking – she was poleaxed.
Sickened: “Whenever a bearer of bad news stepped forth, he was sickened to the core, forcing unnecessary delays.”
Slack-jawed: “The assembled journalists and industry heavies were slack-jawed and couldn’t believe their ears when the figures were read out in court.”
Jaw dropped: “After all the show of confidence and bravado, the officer’s jaw dropped when the decision went the other way.”
Startled: “The witness was startled when told to put away his mobile telephone. He was only using it as a mirror to comb his hair.”
Stunned: “After eating healthy food and exercising regularly for years, it stunned the politician to hear his doctor explain the cause of his eye problems.”
Stupefied: “The knowledge that well-heeled people in power could not be bothered to stop her extravagant lifestyle stupefied the entire nation.”
Raised eyebrows: “Madame asked: ‘Guess how much this pink diamond necklace cost me?’ It caused raised eyebrows with the womenfolk in her inner circle.”
Transfixed: “As they paused at the jewellers, her eyes were transfixed on the diamond tiara. He immediately took out his platinum card.”
By the way, there’s no need to get that shock-a-lingam feeling. This is just pure satire and no malice is intended. This is just a work of fiction.
The pronouns “he” and “she”, the characters, the places, events and incidents are the products of this writer's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.
R NADESWARAN, a veteran journalist who writes on bread and butter issues. He occasionally dabbles in parody. Comments: citizen.nades22@gmail.com - Mkini
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