GETTING OBSESSED WITH SOMEONE

 

A healthy relationship actually thrives on these thoughts that help partners become closer by spending as much time with each other as possible. Over time, these thoughts and feelings evolve into deeper respect, maturity, and commitment.

However, if we feel that the person, we are attracted to is not that into us, our unrequited love can sometimes trigger obsessive thoughts. Or even worse, if you are obsessing over a crush or ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend that you cannot be with, then these obsessive thoughts will prevent you from moving on in life.

What is Obsessive Love Disorder?

Obsessing over someone compels us to do the following:

·         Modifying our behaviour with hopes that, by doing so, we can make the other person more interested in us.

·         Constantly analyzing their every gesture or word toward us to assess the depth of their feelings.

·         Monitoring their activities.

·         Exerting effort to ensure that we are constantly in touch with the object of our obsession (this includes constant texts and calls, flooding their emails with your messages, and even downright stalking them).

Symptoms of Obsessive Love.

First, let us talk about the obsessive love concept we briefly explored. If you are wondering if your strong feelings toward this guy or girl is not healthy, then it is important to know if you are displaying symptoms of obsessive love. Here are some common signs:-

Constantly thinking about the person.

Someone who suffers from obsessive love usually wants to spend an excessive amount of time with the other person, to the point that they are always thinking about him/her and behaving in ways that put them in touch with the other person. Because people who love obsessively spend so much time thinking about the object of their affection, they do not give enough attention to their friends, family, or career to maintain a high quality of life. They may limit their engagement in recreational activities or other relationships, even to the point of being unable to function in a normal manner.

Feelings of being unworthy of love.

Falling in love is the most vulnerable thing we do as humans. Falling in love means opening up to the possibility of being left or rejected. If you do not feel worthy of that love, you will feel insecure in your relationship, constantly believing that you will get hurt.

Feeling possessive (he/she is mine!) towards the person.

If you have obsessive love disorder, you do not want to imagine the thought of this other person even considering being with anyone besides you. You also do not want other people seeing this person as a possible object of affection because you believe he/she belongs to you and only you. This may lead to jealous outbursts toward strangers or even friends who interact with the object of your obsession. It can also lead to making inaccurate assumptions about an interaction between this person and someone else that ends in possible embarrassment for overreacting.

The desire to “protect” the object of obsessive love.

You claim to want to protect the person from others who may harm him/her, but you are really just isolating him/her from the rest of the world. You may try to limit the number of people he/she hangs out with, convincing this person that their friends and family are toxic.

Creating limits for them in “their best interest” is a form of control that is a result of obsession.

Feelings of jealousy when you see this person interacting with members of the opposite sex. This is a factor of the feelings of possession that you have over this person. You do not want anyone to think that this person is available or get the idea that he/she like someone else as more than a friend. Also, you do not want the object of your obsession to find someone he/she thinks he/she will like better than you.

Tend not to accept rejection from objects of affection.

If the other person walks out on you during a fight, hangs up on you, or rejects you in any other way, you may have a very strong reaction. Any hint of rejection that you get from this person sends you into a panic, thinking that you might lose him/her forever. You have an inability to accept failure or rejection.

Repeated phone calls and text messages.

Not only do you need to check up on this person during the day, you also want to constantly be on his/her mind. Interacting through texts and phone calls allows you to know where he/she is at all times during the day and make sure that he/she is paying attention to you. If you text or call and do not hear back for a while, you probably get extremely upset and frustrated, and end up coming to the worst conclusions, thinking that he/she is with another person or doing something behind your back.

Diminished contact with family members and friends due to obsession over one person.

You give up time that you would otherwise spend with your friends and family to be with this other person. You make them a priority over everything else, and you never want to suggest that you are unavailable to be by his/her side. Holiday dinners at your parents' house might be cut short and nights out with your friends may become few and far between as you spend all of your time with this one person.

Exhibiting the halo effect, where the object of obsessive love is put up on a pedestal.

Any and everything this person does is perfect for you. And everything you do for him/her has to be perfect as well. You may have an article of his/her clothing in your home that you always sleep with or a picture by your bed that you often stare at until you fall asleep.

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