SATURDAY JOKES - 84

 

Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable.
Suddenly the hunters look up and they both fire their double barrel shotguns at him.
When the hang glider was out of sight one of the hunters turns to the other and says, "What kind of bird you reckon that was?"
The other hunter replies, "I don't rightly know, but I think we hit it."
"How's that?"
"You saw how fast the bird dropped that man it was carrying, didn't you?"

Why are frogs always so happy?

They eat whatever bugs them!

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five ringgit out from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. 

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!

Teacher: Johnny, what is a protagonist?
Little Johnny: It’s when you’re playing tag with kids from another neighborhood and they bring in a ringer... they're a Pro-Tagonist.

A couple days ago, I was crossing this bridge, and there was this character standing there with a cup in his hand. 

He goes, "Hey, can you help out my wife and family?" 

I said, "Sure". And I pushed him off the bridge!

 

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a RM 5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only RM 40,000," the jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by cheque. "I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
On Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Why did the giraffe get such bad grades? 

He always had his head stuck in the clouds!

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house, a woman complained,
"I've been a little sick in my stomach."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger doctor said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Hmmm," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?
"Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed!"  

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