Women have made some progress, but it’s not enough

Women are rising with a vengeance like never before. The continued subjugation of women in all spheres over the past decades has given rise to women who think they need to be aggressive and domineering to be seen and heard.

It is pay-back time for society (read men).

In India, for example, it is grooms galore with no takers; the exact reverse was true some decades ago. Men used to have a long list of demands for the brides and often it would be like a (unfair) trade rather than a union of hearts when an arranged marriage took off.

The groom and the family get to take them all — bride, dowry, property, etc — and pay nothing in return.

The tables have since turned and women feel they do not need to settle for anything less than the best and hence their intransigent terms and conditions. In the process, an imbalance has cropped up, sophistication and gentility have been purged and dissonance is everywhere, much to the consternation of society.

You would also realise that feminism has become out of vogue these days with advocates adopting a more strategic approach to propagating and “demanding” women’s liberation.

It has been two centuries since feminism first gained a footing in our midst and it has certainly brought about the most enduring and progressive transformation of human society on a global scale.

The term “feminism” means different things to different people and evokes a whole range of reactions, from a flinch, a wry smile to infuriation. It is definitely a loaded term needing to be treated like a hand-grenade so that it does not blow up for the wrong reasons.

In recent decades, more and more women, as much as men, seem to intuitively resist being associated with feminism. They prefer neutral terms such as advocacy and activism, which are more flamboyant.

The point is, these terms may be associated with feminism but in a more generic way, but refined and redefined.

Introspectively, the female “machoism” concomitant with feminism is diminishing with the new gender-neutral terms becoming more acceptable. Women’s advocates have gone past the need to fight for equality and against gender discrimination. Instead, they have moved on to bigger and more challenging quests such as the need for better representation at the workplace and organisations, which are still largely male-dominated.

In Malaysia, we have made some strides, but we haven’t gone far enough to say we have made it. If you know, women in general are doing better in terms of educational attainment than ever before and are yet still failing to realise their full earning potential, regardless of their educational level.

Why, when we know that education is critical to women’s advancement, do so many women facing future economic insecurity fail to pursue any kind of education beyond a certain self-imposed restraint?

On this occasion of International Women’s Day 2019, I would urge women to stand up for themselves.

The power lies in how loud and far-reaching your voices are. Stay focused and remove yourself from trivial matters such as glorifying your sexuality, which is not incumbent to your higher pursuits.

Move away from idiosyncratic views about what we can or cannot do. Learn from the other gender where it matters.

Rise above mediocrity by reading for knowledge. Get into research in your area of work, to make a difference and stand out.

Do not dominate in the name of empowerment. Stop emotionally blackmailing yourself. Do not seek deference by imposition and force. Look at the forest over the trees and aim for far-reaching objectives rather than immediate gratification.

More importantly, challenge your status quo. Do not be afraid of mistakes as they become lessons to better yourself.

Recently, I was at the supermarket where the lady in front of me had her trolley brimming with groceries.

The husband stood next to her like a lamppost while the lady laboured, repeatedly bending over the trolley to pick up and lay the items on the cashier’s table.

I am not sure if she minded that the husband seemed oblivious or ignorant that she could do with a helping hand, but it bothered me to the point that I felt that if women do not want to speak up for themselves, why would the men bother?

Bhavani Krishna Iyer is a FMT reader.