SUNDAY JOKES - 64

 

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the driver's window, the driver rolls it down, and the trooper smacks the driver in the head with his night stick.
"Ow!" says the driver. "Why did you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you should have your license ready."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer; I'm not from around here."
The trooper writes the guy a ticket and gives his license back, then walks around to the car's passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls the window down, and the trooper smacks him with his night stick.
"Ow!" says the passenger. "What did you do that for?"
The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."
"What the hell does that mean?" asks the guy.
"Two miles down the road, you were going to say, "I wish that lousy bastard would have tried that shit with me!"

 

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra only. 

The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

 

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. 

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"
"I would have to say the living one."

I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. 

My girlfriend lives forty miles away.

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? 

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

 

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? 

Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

 

During the Gold Rush, a prospector came down from the mountains into a tiny one-street town. Finding a saloon, he says to the saloon keeper, "Give me a bottle of whiskey and a woman!"
The saloon keeper explains to the prospector that there are no women in this town, but some should arrive soon.
"Well, what can I do for some pleasure around here?" inquired the prospector.
"If you really feel you must, there's Old Joe. He said, pointing to a toothless old man sitting near the end of the bar.
"No way," said the prospector, "I am not way inclined." He took his bottle of whiskey and left.
One year later the prospector came back to the same saloon, walking up to the bar he shouts, "A bottle of whiskey and a woman!"
To which the saloon keeper says, "No women have arrived yet but Old Joe is still here."
Grabbing the whiskey, he storms out of the saloon saying, "I am not that way inclined!"
Well, it's one year later and the prospector returns to the saloon, nervous and shaky he pleads to the saloon keeper for a bottle of whiskey and a woman. The saloon keeper again explains there is plenty of whiskey on hand, but that no women have arrived in town yet. "But Old Joe is still here," he says motioning towards the old man sitting at the end of the bar.
"I am not that way inclined," replied the prospector.
Exasperated, the prospector starts drinking his whiskey. When about half of the bottle is gone, he calls the bartender over and asks, "If I should decide to have fun with Old Joe, who all would know about it?"
The bartender says, "I'll know about it, and so will those six big lumberjacks playing poker at the table over there."
"Why do they have to know?" asked the prospector.
"You will need all six of them to hold Old Joe down... You see Old Joe is not that way inclined either."

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