THURSDAY JOKES - 64

 

Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a job vacancy advertisement for an accountant. 

Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you on ten thousand a month."
"Ten thousand ringgit!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? 

One snatches your watch. 

The other watches your snatch.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? 

Ken came in another box!

Little Johnny was having problems in the English class, so his teacher, Miss Fagot, decided to stop by Little Johnny's house on her way home. She wanted to discuss Johnny's poor performance directly with his parents.
When she rang the doorbell, little Johnny answered.
"Hello Johnny, I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said.
"Sorry, but they aren't here," he replied.
"Johnny!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?"
"Haven't got a clue," Johnny replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!"

 

What are the three shortest words in the English language? 

"Is it in?"

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? 

The taste!

 

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? 

"If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down the siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away because it's defective. If it is pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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