THURSDAY JOKES - 77

 

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However, he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

Where was the toothbrush invented?
Mississippi.
If it would've been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush!

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to buzz off!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes, isn't starving!!!
I am overly obese!!!

Grandpa always says when one door closes, another one opens...
Great man, horrible cabinet maker!

A father and his son go into the grocery store. When they happened to be near the condom counter, the son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. 

The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.'' 

The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?'' The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.'' 

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. The father replies, ''Well, that's when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him!"

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a buck-fifty and deer nuts are under a buck.

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
A man came in and asked the farmer, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?'
The farmer shook his head and replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
'So, what happened that's so horrible?' the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
'Well,' the farmer said, 'today I was sitting by my cow, milking her.
Just as I got the bucket about full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.'
'Okay,' said the man, 'but that's not so bad.' 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer replied.
'So, what happened then?' the man asked. The farmer said, 'I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.'
'And then?' 'Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her.
Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.'
Man laughed and said, 'Again?' The farmer replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
'So, what did you do then?' the man asked. 'I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.'
'And then?' 'Well, I sat back down and began milking her again.
Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.'
'Hmmm . . . ' the man said and nodded his head. 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer said.
'So, what did you do?' the man asked.
'Well,' the farmer said, 'I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain!'

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