TUESDAY JOKES - 77

 

Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked the first officer, “What did you do with your life?” “I was a police officer,” he responded. “What kind of police officer?” Saint Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the streets and out of the hands of kids.” “Welcome to heaven. You may enter the Gates.”

He asked the second man what he did as a police officer. “I was a traffic officer,” said the man. “I kept the roads and highways safe.” “Welcome to heaven. You may enter the Gates.”

He asked the third man what he did as a police officer. “I was a military policeman, sir,” replied the man. “Wonderful! I’ve been waiting for you all day!” replied Saint Peter. “I need to take a break! Watch the Gate, will you?”

I lost my keys! 

Can I check your panty?

An older couple went to dinner at a trendy restaurant that had no printed menus - just a scannable QR code to see the menu on your phone.
After much grumbling about new-fangled things, they ordered a light dinner and afterward the waiter delivered the bill.
When the waiter came back for payment, the husband displayed his phone to the waiter showing an image of a RM 100 bill.
"Here. You can keep the change!"

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a RM 100 note and decided to give it to the person who is the biggest fool."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a fool was."
The boys looked at each other then gave the RM 100 note to the teacher.

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well, how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

Q: What is even dumber than a blonde trying to build a house underwater?
A: A blonde trying to burn it down!

Bill Clinton is not sleazy, Lewinsky is just too easy!



A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make RM 2,000 a week. Why?”
The CEO said, ”Wait right here.”
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy RM 4,000 in cash and said, “Here’s two months’ pay.
Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked,
“Does anyone want to tell me what that goofball did here?”
From across the room, a voice said,
“Sure - he was the pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect his money!

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