Figuring out the Ketuanan game from census data

 

The Prime Minister gave us highlights of the latest national census results recently. The business world would surely be looking for “insight” from the data so they can monetize it. We’re in a new data-driven world, where data is called the new oil, able to power the world, or destroy it.

Other folks, such as politicians, are certainly thinking of monetizing it too. We’d hear about their ideas soon enough, likely at the next national budget. But if there’s a natural disaster coming, we may hear about them even sooner.

First highlight of the census results: the coronavirus didn’t kill enough of us to make a noticeable difference! But the loss of thousands of people to the disease, about one death per thousand population and rising, would surely show up in some data somewhere.

We didn’t hear about its effect on the lifespans of the population though. In the US, average lifespans have become shorter due to the pandemic. On average, Americans can expect to live almost two years less because of it.

The virus seems to have done what fast food, sedentary lifestyles and promiscuous gun laws couldn’t do to cut short people’s lives. But the virus also has aggressive anti-vaccine loonies aiding and abetting it.

I think we all feel like our life is at least two years shorter too. I’m quite sure 2020 and 2021 didn’t happen, even if the calendar now says 2022. The microchips Bill Gates put in the vaccines must have deleted those two years.

This means all the nightmares – the Sheraton Move, the backdoor governments, the nincompoops running the country, the Vellfires, the floods, the white flags, all didn’t actually happen.

Yeah, you wish.

Why do we have so many men?

The census also highlights a big imbalance between males (52.3%) and females (47.4%) in the population, with 0.3% undetermined. Listen, if you’re one of those undetermined, its best you run to Thailand and make your mind up there.

In reality, the imbalance is due to the large number of mostly male migrant workers in our country.

Given how difficult it is to sign an agreement to import Indonesian maids, this imbalance looks set to continue for a while.

With so many of our fellow citizens marrying more than one wife, we’re going to run out of marriageable women soon. Many men would go unmarried, and may start holding each other’s hands like the Bangladeshi guys, and not out of friendship and brotherly love either.

The census shows 2.6 million non-citizens, presumably legal foreign labour, guests and refugees. But there are millions of illegal immigrants, mostly Indonesians, who have integrated into our society, with some having risen to become political leaders, even if Indonesia keeps all the good ones.

Olden but not golden

The number of seniors has risen too. There are loads of my cohorts running around making a nuisance of themselves. Whilst it’s good to lower the minimum voting age, maybe we need a maximum voting age too, perhaps 60, past which you can’t vote, and certainly can’t hold public office, anymore.

Most of the problems in the country are caused by us oldies. We’re not wise – we just repeat the same rubbish over and over again because we’ve forgotten what we wanted to say. Our feudal culture makes us look venerable and sage, but it’s best we let the young run things whilst we go enjoy our sherbets and rosewater.

The census results also say that close to 70% of the population are Bumiputeras, 69.6% to be precise, up from 67.4% in 2010. The prime minister was very coy in not identifying the ethnicities within this Bumiputera bucket, leaving us to wonder: is the rise due to the Kadazan-Dusuns? The Temiars? The Ibans?

Ori versus Non-Ori

This way of classifying people into “originals” and “non-originals” seems odd in this day and age. It makes the “oris” inordinately proud of the accident of their birth, and incredibly entitled and privileged, and prone to grabbing whatever wealth available especially if it’s from the non-oris.

There’s probably jubilation in some quarters that no one can challenge the Ketuanan Bumiputera concept any more – except perhaps for the Kadazan-Dusuns, the Temiars, the Ibans, and the other Bumiputeras themselves, though these groups generally don’t feel very much like a “tuan”.

I’ve a feeling the actual proportions of the ethnic groups within the Bumiputera category would have been very inconvenient to the agenda that some ethnic groups are still being oppressed even though they’re by now the overwhelming, and growing, majority.

Best to just keep it quiet with nudges and winks.

Three converts for the Ketuanan brigade?

The “Ketuanan” success continues. Recently there were three new additions of children who were converted into Islam, and hence becoming “Bumiputeras”, who are being jealously defended against any reversion by the good folks up north.

When I was young, a person converting to Islam was said to have “masuk Melayu” – becoming a Malay. I had an adopted Chinese brother who came down from the hills of Penang seventy years ago to escape harsh poverty and join our family. He too “became a Malay”.

This is an important lens for us to understand what’s happening with the never-ending tearing apart of families in the name of Islam. It’s not an Islam thing – Islam has clearly stated there’s no compulsion in religion (Quran 2:256). It’s a political thing about an imaginary war that needs to be won at all costs.

Do we assume Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful, being happy that His loyal subjects in Malaysia are not letting things like a grieving mother stop them in their pursuit to increase their numbers and achieve their KPIs?

Adding more women in the mix

Anyway, whilst the Ketuanan debate is still raging, its counterpart, the Kepuanan debate, also continues. Hopefully the ministers, however many of them are needed to sign the agreement with Indonesia, will do so forthwith so we can bring in more of their women to work as (in some cases) paid domestic housemaids.

There is talk that we may bring in labour from India instead. This is good news: India, surprise surprise, has more females than males! We’ll help to address their female excess, whilst they help to address our male excess. Everybody wins, and our karaoke lounges will start blaring Tamil hits soon.

In the meantime, there’re plenty of heated words flying around right now. It’s the same old game of keeping the temperature up, whipping up a frenzy amongst those already delirious – khayal and zoned out – from decades of census success, and ignoring the real problems facing us.

Would God be happy that a handful became registered officially as Muslims while untold multitudes, both Muslims and non-Muslims, are wondering whether Islam is about Grace and Mercy, as is being claimed by its “heroes”.

This, unfortunately, no census can tell. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.