Loh Siew Hong is a good mother

Loh Siew Hong knew early on that being a great cook was not enough. She needed to be entrepreneurial.

When she was a waiter at a food stall in Sungai Petani, Kedah, where she grew up, she observed what people wanted most. Her boss let her take over the food stall.

Combining her Chinese heritage (birth family) and Indian influence (formative community), she served Char Kuey Teow and Mee Goreng that became popular.

Then she made one of the most successful business decisions in her life. She opened an economy rice business in Taman Ria Jaya, Sungai Petani, that earned her RM500 per day, working only four hours.

She could take care of her blind grandmother-in-law and help her children with homework at night.

“I was selling food which was affordable to the workers around the area, so my shop became popular,” she told Malaysiakini.

Behind that entrepreneurial drive was a plan. She needed to earn enough so that her children can continue going to school. At that time, Loh already knew her husband could not provide for her and the three children.

“My husband never gave me a single sen,” she lamented.

Having studied culinary arts at community college, Loh knew that the way out for her three children – a pair of twins and a son she called “my prince” – was by cooking customers good food.

But her plans were destroyed. Her ex-husband started beating her. Jealous and useless, he started letting out his anger on her while being on crystal meth. Loh had to stop working because her ex-husband was creating chaos at her workplace.

Despite the physical beating and emotional torture, time and again Loh said she was willing to endure as long as she gets to take care of her children.

“Although I am in pain, I told myself to let it be. As long as I can still feed my children, I accept it.”

But when her children’s lives were threatened, that’s where she needed to escape. Loh recounted an incident that is nothing short of horrifying:

"He was so angry that he dragged me to a forest near the house, pulled my hair, cut it with a knife, and broke my legs and arm.

"He brought my children along and threatened that he would burn us all alive. My children were terrified," she said.

Seeking help

What would you do if you were Loh? How do you leave under the control of an absolute tyrant who is manipulative, aggressive, and possessive?

Many domestic victims do not dare to seek help. If the tyrant finds out – like in Loh’s case – the victims would get beaten up even more.

Many domestic victims also do not have the avenue to seek help. Like many victims, Loh’s outside world was shut out by her perpetrator.

But Loh was determined to provide a better life for her children. She sought every opportunity she could.

She tried speaking to a friend who has a police officer as a neighbour, her family in Singapore, her cousin who’s in the army, and her mother-in-law.

She learned to pack quickly and escape whenever the tyrant ex-husband was not at home.

At every escape, she planned to restart her life by earning money and providing for her children. But at every turn, the system failed her.

When she was covered in plaster and staying at the Welfare Department not far from Sungai Petani, the welfare officer told her she could not stay long. The officer even told her to live with her choice of marrying an abusive husband.

When she was lying in bed with 27 stitches on her hand after being hit by a hammer, her tyrant ex-husband stormed in and took her children away.

While recuperating in bed, she still thought about her children and how she should provide for them. She found a job as a chef in Genting Highlands to once again restart their lives.

When she finally came out of the hospital, she went to apply for custody for her children and applied for a divorce – an act of tremendous courage and resilience.

But the lockdown delayed the process for nearly two years. And when she was granted full custody, her children were missing.

For nine months, she searched everywhere she could and eventually lodged multiple police reports.

But she was made to run in circles, prevented from visiting her children by the Welfare Department, and treated as persona non grata despite her being the children’s birth mother.

Children’s conversion

In the three years when Loh was at the domestic abuse shelter, separated from her children, the ex-husband converted the children to Islam and sent them to Perlis’ religious authorities.

Suddenly, she was seen as an unfit mother.

The children were “brainwashed” into thinking that it was their mother’s fault that their father was in prison. The father would commit suicide if they followed their mother home, they said.

Another social media user smeared her by asking why she was “missing” for three years.

Perlis Mufti Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin’s description of events also has similar connotations, where he said:

“These children have been given to other Muslims parties, their mother did not show up…”

“We registered (the children as Muslim) because the father said he allowed it and the father said the mother had disappeared at that point.”

His actions spoke louder. In a religious sermon aired live on Facebook, Asri told everyone the children ought to stay with the Welfare Department because the children “repeatedly” told him they disliked their mother – one of the most hurtful things a mother could hear.

After the court ordered for the children to be returned to Loh immediately, the kids were jubilant. She cooked their favourite mee goreng when they said they missed it.

Loh was already making plans. She has already bought cooking ware and started looking at the prices of food trucks.

Initially, she wanted to rent a food stall in Cameron Highlands but her intuition tells her a food truck would give her greater mobility to earn more at different places.

“I will do my best to ensure a proper education for them,” she said. Loh doesn’t set limits on her children’s ambitions.

One girl wants to be a police, the other a counsellor or a lawyer. “As for my son, he wants to repair big drones when he grows up.”

She plans to buy them colour pencils, books, bicycles, and tablets like other normal kids. “I want to buy them things and let them enjoy life,” she said.

Loh Siew Hong is a good mother. - Mkini

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JAMES CHAI is a political analyst. He also blogs at www.jameschai.com.my and he can be reached at jameschai.mpuk@gmail.com.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.